Monday, August 16, 2010

Dreams and disappointments

Hmm... See what happens when I open my mind and write whatever is on my mind? Brrr... Scary. Deep, but scary.

Have you ever done something that is a big dream in your life? Only to have it hit home that you're disappointing someone that's supposed to support you, every damn time you mention it?

At the moment, that's happening with my mother, who I used to see as my one woman cheering squad.

That started to change when my dreams started to diverge from her expectations. See due to my vast intellect (established as being worth little when doing something that doesn't interest me), I've always been pushed into doing the "hard stuff", the stuff that very few other could do.

My principal pushed me to Actuarial Science. My parents pushed me to stay in commerce when I changed courses. They nearly flipped when I told them that my future lies in the humanities or arts.

Seriously, the fact that I have a keen "business mind" means nothing when I have kazillions of other things that I have a mind for, and more specifically when I have the heart for other things too.

But... my parents stand security for my study loans and I consider any degree better than none. So... a degree in commerce it is.

In reality, I want to talk about my Works in Progress. I want to write them and get at least the one published. But most of all, I want to tell my mom what I wrote about, and how it's going without having yet another "I wish you'd spend as much time studying as you do writing" thrown my way. My personality strikes again...

I am doing the bloody degree they wanted. I'm back to passing my subjects after my recent "I HATE WHAT I'M DOING!!!!!!!" breakdown. (At this stage I need to mention that the breakdown happened after I forced myself to stop writing for months.) I've postponed all my other extra-curricular activities except for writing. I postpone writing when approaching test and exam days until after the session. I am not going to kill my soul further by giving up writing again. I am not willing to sacrifice my dreams on the altar of other people's expectations. End of story.

Which brings me to what I wanted to say in the first place. I know it sucks to be going it alone. I know that those casual hints hurt like hell. But it is of the greatest importance that you follow your dream. You had it for a reason and you should never ever let the lack of support cause you to give up. 

We're stronger than we look. It's amazing how far we can go on our own. And....

When you're a raving success, everyone will brag in interviews that they were behind us all along ;-P

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