Wednesday, October 3, 2018

IWSG: A Fresh Start

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After about three months of drama around finding a house, we're finally moving to a new place. In fact, I'm writing this on Monday because I know that I'll be about knee deep into packing, loading, and moving things by the time this post comes live.

Maybe I'm overly optimistic, but it's really feeling like this move will mostly bring to an end five years of chaos that I've had to cope with every day. To that end, I'm really excited to get moving, even if the amount of stuff that needs to be dealt with would have other people pulling out their hair.

But at the same time, this new start also involves a ton of processing of another sort. Emotional. If this move is to be the first day of the rest of my life, I have to cut some stuff out and leave it right here in this house. 

I've been so locked in survival/defense/fight/flight mode that it's become my go to. The thing is... it's exhausting. Except for hopeful, my other single-word emotional status is currently drained. So in a lot of ways, I haven't felt like myself for at least three years... which is also why my fiction-writing productivity took a massive hit. 

I'm not a person hoping for a certain set of perfect circumstances, but when negativity and the accompanying anxiety hits often and at random, making you lose any small amount of momentum you might have gained literally the day before... It's heartbreaking. 

So the fact that I managed to get Book 3 of War of Six Crowns to any stage of completion despite this is something for me to be proud of. 

But despite this and despite my growing success as a full-time writer... I'm feeling a growing sense of discontent. In a sense this is a good thing. I'm actually calm enough and able to not be at panic stations for long enough to allow me time to miss certain things I had left by the way-side to just allow me to get through. 

See, I've been cutting back to the bare minimum so that I could keep going while dragging such a huge amount of drama with me. But now I'm very much to offload the drama right here. Which should really leave a lot of space for other things. And right now, that space feels like a void. A void of writing where I took over two years to finish a rewrite and revision because I hadn't been able to write consecutively for more than two days in a row in over two years. A void of art because I never felt secure enough to actually commit to an art project. 

Here's the thing though, I've been so used to... not... fitting everything in that the thought of moving furniture around in my head is pretty daunting. It feels almost like too much of a challenge to work and write and focus on my health and do more art (other than writing) and read more and resume my French practice so I don't lose it again and be more active on social media and... and... and... 

But the thing is that I just have to find a way. My thinking is to spend maybe the rest of the month evaluating my life and everything I want to do, and then decide how I'm going to start bringing those things in. 

Do you also find it daunting to make things fit into your life? How do you approach it?


  1. Taking a step back to evaluate everything seems like a really sensible move. Maybe bring one thing back in at a time and see how it goes? Hope the house move is going smoothly.

  2. I'm glad you are finally moving but you do need some calm in your life where you can fit everything in without a void.

  3. Wishing you much peace in this new location. Do I find it daunting to fit things in... LOL!!! Um, always. You know what I do? I get out my calendar, break everything into bite-sized pieces, and press forward. There are some things that eventually fall by the wayside (because they really aren't as important as I thought), but all in all, I accomplish way more than I should by taking it one day at a time.

  4. I'm glad you're finally moving and sorry that you have so much drama. I understand what you mean by void. If I finish my to-do list early, I panic. I need to be doing something!

  5. I am happy and proud for you. You have come so far. You hung in even through despair. Taking a step back is probably a good thing and needed. You rock. I hope the move goes smoothing and you and your family find much happiness in your new home.

    Happy IWSG Day, Juneta

  6. Hi Misha - life has thrown you a few curve balls ... and I'm sure the first thing is to move (you're doing that now), the 2nd is to sort and adjust things ... so you can get on with your new life in the new home. Good luck - and one step at a time ... slow, but sure - cheers Hilary

  7. I do get spells when things seem to become overwhelming, but those are usually when a load of one-off events pile in all together leaving no room to recharge. Those spells pass pretty quickly, and most of the time I am able to feel more in control of how I spend my time. I hope you are able to get back on an even keel too.

  8. Permission to not accomplish everything in one day, lol. You are way to busy. I hope the move helps settle things for you Misha.

  9. I feel you about this. It's hard to figure out what to do when things are starting to go right. I think the main thing is to remind yourself that you don't have to figure it all in one day. Maybe pick up one thing to add in and see how that goes.

  10. You are the queen of sticking with it. That's got to be a pro-level quality.

  11. Sounds like you're tackling challenges head on! Power to ya! :)


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