Wednesday, January 15, 2014

A few last thoughts on the stalking issue #TMW

Thanks all for your wonderful comments and support these past two days. I really did appreciate it more than you can imagine.

See, I hardly ever talk about my experiences as a stalked person, because of the way that people react to it. I think it's the first time in about five years that I ever wrote about it, and the previous time was a mention in some or the other blog comment.

I've been shocked multiple times since Monday. I thought I had contact with one blogging lady who was stalked. Turns out that it's closer to twenty. And those are only the people who a) read my blog post and b) who were brave enough to admit they went through stalking too.

So this is definitely something that Stina's blog hop brought home to me. Not only is stalking worse than most people think. It's much more common than people think.

Unless stalkers are particularly attracted to creative, writerly-types, odds are that you know someone, or more than one person who is being stalked right now.

It's a terrifying thought.

So I have one favor to ask. I know how alienated and alone a stalking victim feels. Keep an eye out for people suffering in that way. Try to reach out to them and support them. Everything feels better when you don't have to face something alone.

Please. Be that friend who convinces someone that yes, being stalked is bad enough to go to the police for. That it isn't a the victim's imagination. Be the person who keeps a lookout for a person's stalker. Be the witness that gets the guy arrested before it's too late.

I especially want to ask that you keep an eye out for male friends, colleagues and acquaintances who are being stalked. People tend to think that a man can handle a woman, but the fact is that no one can handle a crazy woman wielding a gun, or who sets fire to his house with him in it. 15% of all stalking victims are male. And a higher percentage of them die at the hands of their stalkers than female victims.

Being stalked is not a form of flattery. It's not an extreme crush. It's not an example of devotion.

Stalking is emotional and/physical abuse. It is fatal. 

As long as people pretend stalking isn't that bad, it seems okay to stalk. And it will most likely continue, escalating someone dies or gets hurt.

I'd much rather see a stalker go through counselling or institutionalization than to see another person get killed because everyone told him/her it wasn't so bad.

Stalking can and does destroy at least two lives at a time. Both the victim's and the stalker's. Especially when it ends in murder. Please let's try to stamp cases out before they start.


  1. Well said. Scary to think more men die at the hands of stalkers.

  2. I would add another thought... the internet and social apps make it so easy for stalkers to keep up with their prey. People should simply NEVER post where they are on the internet. People who do it all of the time are literally posting their schedule for everyone to see... including a stalker. It is so dangerous. I cringe whenever a friend or loved one phones in their status from somewhere indicating precisely where they are.

  3. I'm going to agree with Robin. Foursquare is the worst idea ever. I'll chat about what I'm doing, but not where I'm doing it. And we definitely have to watch out for one another.

  4. Having gone through it myself and posting a blog on it with Stina's blog tour, I share your desire to help others to realize it's not a game, it's serious and we need to keep an eye out for one another. Your loved one may be isolate, alone, lost, without you even knowing about it. Talk to them. Support them. Most of all LOVE them.

  5. Great post. I am sorry you and several others are experiencing this right now. It is not fair to you. I think it is wonderful that you are trying to help to others. Stay strong. Sorry I am not of more help.

  6. Stalking is terrifying and I know I wouldn't have the courage to talk about it publicly. There are crazed individuals out there. You are very brave, and I hope you can put it all behind you, Misha.

  7. Excellent post, and I totally agree with you. Stalking is abuse and it will lead to something worse. You're so brave. I've not been stalked myself but I know people who have been and it's not flattering at all.

  8. There was a woman I went to high school with who was stalked a couple of years ago. She even had to go to court on the whole thing. When I blogged on MySpace, there were a couple of strange people in the blog group there who had stalkerish tendencies. One still is stalking a woman who lives in his hometown who blogged on the site. I think for most of us, the only thing saving us from being stalked was that we lived too far away.

  9. When I was younger, we never heard of stalking except in extreme cases (i.e. serial killers). I wonder if it's more common now or we're just more aware of it? The world is becoming a strange and frightening place.

  10. Wow, my jaw is on the floor. I just read your previous post as well. I'm sorry you went through that and I'm glad you were one of the lucky ones, I understand that you still have that fear lingering.

    For everyone else, this post was great advice. Hugs!

  11. Stalkers are scary, even in wheelchairs. I had one years ago. He would get his chair in my personal space and stare at me or park it at the front of the shop. Eventually, one of the male hairdressers told him to leave and never come back.

  12. Great post, Misha. Thanks for sharing the information and tips.

  13. I don't know how far stalkers can go. I read that stalkers are all different.
    Interesting post, Misha. Thank you.

  14. And I want to add that you are very brave to write about this.


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