Worried... might be somewhat accurate, although you guys are worrying for the wrong reasons. My other business(es) that I started to recover from the last SNAFU have entered the dreaded hurry-up-and-wait stage. Which is... Yeah. That bit worries me, and you're welcome to worry/pray with me. (Although I find that, upon praying, I worry a little less.)
The thing is that, while this hurry-up-and-wait phase is ongoing, I have hours and hours worth of time that I can use more constructively. And I decided to use those hours to be a full-time writer, because I'm basically working 40 day weeks at this writing thing (even, by the way, while I'm doing the day-job too.)
So really, this foray into full-time-writerness isn't new. At least, the time I can spend on it isn't. The major difference is that I've decided to set myself up better. Instead of saying I'll wait for quiet time and then waiting for an hour or two in case day-job work comes in, I'm asking if there's anything I have to do that can be done right now.
If there isn't, I'm immediately going into full-time-writer mode until such a time that something does come up at the office. (This happened on Wednesday, which I was super grateful for. But now offers have been made and we're waiting for clients to come back to us.)
In other words: No. I'm not refusing to do anything else that could bring me a more stable income just so I can write.
It's just the case that, since I have to wait for my income anyway, I might as well spend it furthering my writing career instead of sitting around and doing nothing, waiting for the hours to pass.
Admittedly (as mentioned on Monday), pushing my writing career on a shoe-string budget is a pain in the ass.
That said, I'm not sure that it's a bad thing.
Yes, I'm stressing about money. Yes, I have to literally turn every cent I get over twice in order to make this thing work. Yes, I'm currently having to do 90% of EVERYTHING myself and there are never enough hours in a day.
Turning cents over twice is good business practice. Even when I do have money to splash around on my writing venture.
It's making me so sad to think how much money I wasted being inefficient with my time and money just because I assumed there would be another salary next month.
So yeah. EVEN if -- ahem -- WHEN my clients come back and my other job brings in some money, I'm only going to put back the royalties I've earned and used to other purposes. And IF I need more money for something, I will do so on a strict loan basis and keeping track of everything.
Because I want this thing to work. And it's not going to work if I'm lackadaisical about my writing business.
Business is a serious thing.
And I think, in retrospect, that saying "oh I'll make a career of writing someday when I have money" is bad business. (Sorry not sorry.)
So I'm putting my foot down right now.
I'm saying: Writing is my career now, regardless of my other jobs/obligations/present circumstances.
I will approach it with the same seriousness with which I approach all of my other business activities.
Writing will support my writing.
And I will support my writing by writing even more.
Which is to say:
I am building an empire, even if I have to do it with my bare hands.