If I'm not back...

If I'm not back by Friday at the latest, I am okay, but my internet service has been cut.

No, when I said my business has been going well this year, it has. I didn't lie. However, I never quite explained what happened last year, which means that almost no one one the bloggosphere even has a concept of the magnitude disaster that 2014 turned out to be for me and my family.

But I'm tired. So tired, I no longer feel like putting on a smile and saying "we're bouncing back."

So here's the truth.

You know how if a tennis ball falls, it keeps bouncing, but every successive bounce is a bit lower than the previous one?

Starting almost exactly two years ago today, we've been screwed out of money. At end 2013, it didn't bother me, because I believed we'd bounce back in 2014. Heck, in 2014, we were even smart to put all we have into two more businesses in order to decrease the risk. Business 101, no?

It didn't protect us.

Because we were screwed out of our farm (and all the money we invested on it), we were screwed out of both our other businesses by various people. And today, while sitting here wondering how the hell we could have an excellent year and STILL not bounce back, I did a full estimation of what we've lost since September 2013, and it's not a pretty number.

And every time we tried to make up the loss, someone else would screw us over again and help us a bit deeper into the hole. Maybe this sounds like I'm blaming everyone else but myself. But you're wrong. I do blame myself for a lot of things, but the business we did was never failed because of what we did, but because of things people we trusted did.

Every time we learned a lesson. Oh yes, we've learned plenty. But every new person had a new trick, and every time, we had less of a capability to bounce back.

This year, we turned things around. We started again and started catching up. Heck, we even tied down some contracts (both in supply and demand) that meant that starting this coming season (we export fruit and veg), we'll be well on the way back to even footing. So much so, that we even have someone who's willing to join our business in order to get there faster.

But this person will only see us next Wednesday, and at sometime after that (when papers are signed and whatnot), we'll be able to move forward with the joint business.

In the meantime, all our expenses are due this week. Starting today, with a surprise cut-off notice from our ISP who have decided that we must pay twice this month or else. And our bounce-back capability is officially out.

Our one last shot is borrowing money, but with the economy they way it is, few people have money lying around to lend out. And we can't ask a bank or other institution, because that will simply take too long.

So yeah. Hopefully, I'll have good news before the cut-off in five hours. Otherwise, I guess I'll see you all in a few weeks.