Wednesday, October 10, 2012

A ramble about my life, for a change.

... I had something to write for this post, but after doing some major shifts in my life, I just... Don't... know what to say.

Well... for one thing I'm back. Finished my edits on Monday. Yes, damned fast, but then this was a read through to catch flow issues, so speed might have been a good thing.

Took yesterday to query again, so now I'm back on needles and pins, waiting to hear back from agents.

Basically I've quit something that made a rather significant impact on my life for two years. It feels strange. I'm liberated. I suddenly have five free hours a week. I hadn't had so much time since before I got my degree.

Still... I established a sort of relationship with the people I'd worked with. So now I feel a little bad. It's not one of those: "HA! see how you deal without me!" moments.

It's more of a regret that I couldn't do more. I started out so optimistic and excited. Now I have nothing left. I'd put in way too much and nothing changed for the better.

Maybe it's wrong with me, but there are three things I hate above all in this world: 1) Hypocrisy 2) Complacency and 3) Stupidity.

By stupid, I'm referring to people refusing to learn. For two years, we've been dealing with a two consecutive leaders going with one thing, despite us (who actually see the effects) complaining repeatedly that what they were doing weren't working.

Furthermore, just going along and getting by isn't enough. It doesn't even approach RIGHT. And since they didn't listen, it just continued.

#1 is aimed at me though. I hate hypocrisy in other people, so I make a point of rooting it out in myself as far as I can. And when I have a blog about how to be happy and how happy I am, being unhappy to the point of crying yesterday just isn't an option for me.

Those aren't necessarily the reasons why I quit, but they're the reasons why I'm damn glad I did.

What about you? Have you made any big changes in your life after realizing some things made you unhappy?

26 comments:

  1. I think the biggest things I've changed due to unhappiness are all relationship-related, Misha. (And that was many moons ago...) Though I Have ditched a job or two because of it. I'm an 'all-in' kind of guy, meaning my heart has to be fully into something if it's in it at all. Especially things that devour a huge chunk of my life.

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    1. I'm like that as well. If something doesn't interest me, I leave it. If it does, my interest grows towards obsession, often times. Not the crazy kind though, I don't think. :-P

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  2. Sounds like it was a real drain on your life.
    Ignorance is when someone doesn't know but they are willing to learn. Stupid is the permanent deal.

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    1. Yeah. Stupidity is like alcoholism. Can't fix it until you know you have a problem. :-D

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  3. Sometimes the decision to end something is incredibly hard, but you know when it needs to be done.

    I spent my entire life wanting to be on the stage, but in my first year of university doing a degree in Drama and Creative Writing, I found that I was miserable. When I finally realised I didn't want to be on stage, I just wanted to write, it felt at first like I had lost a big part of who I'd always been. But I'm far happier now as a writer, and I don't miss the stage at all.

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    1. That can happen. Wanting something so much, then finding it's not what you thought it would be.

      It's one of the big reasons why I try not to define my success and happiness to things that I want to happen in the future.

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  4. It sounds like that situation stole a lot of your energy. It's difficult making such big changes. Good for you for being so brave! I hope you enjoy those five extra hours with whatever you decide to do. :)

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    1. Hahaha yeah. So far I'm enjoying being lazy.

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  5. Sometimes you just can't keep beating your head against a wall. After working at one place for a VERY LONG time, I quit out of frustration. It was, for me, like leaping off of cliff and not knowing if I was going to glide to a safe landing or become a red smear on the rocks.

    Well, I glided safely and part of the place where I landed was in this blogging community.

    Finding what makes you happy, even if it doesn't bring in much money, is better than being miserable and having dollars to throw around.

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    1. I agree. There comes a point when I need to stop. Going beyond it invariably makes me unhappy.

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  6. Its so hard to make a decision to end something because you don't know what will replace it. I'm kind of a chicken that way, but five hours of writing a week sounds pretty good.

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    1. Hahahaha maybe it just shows how tired I was of this. By the time I quit, I didn't care what I did. I just wanted to cut loose.

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  7. I know how you feel... I worked on my first MS for 2 years before I decided it was finally done. But I just didnt stop... i just kept writing the sequel.
    I decided that I couldnt just stop writing.
    I know you have posted before that it would be hard for you to start writing something else, so soon after Doorways... but thats how i cope.
    Great luck. Hope things get better soon

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    1. Thanks! Things are lots better now that I'm not tied down.

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  8. I'm glad you found relief! It sounds like it was a real struggle.

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    1. Thanks. It's such a relief to be done.

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  9. I'm so happy you've been able to put something unpleasant behind you!

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  10. If something is sapping your time and energy with little to show for it, it sounds like you're better off walking away from it. Just think, you'll now have 5 more hours to spend writing per week! :)

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    1. Definitely. I can't wait for November. :-D

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  11. I've made some huge changes that have made me unhappy on various levels - that's similar to what you're asking about, right??? ;-)

    Congrats and good luck with querying!
    Mina's Resurrection Blogfest!

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    1. Definitely what I'm talking about. And Kudos for changing those things!

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  12. Plenty! And some big ones. But I have also hung on to things far longer than most because I kept on hoping. I don't thing hope is a bad thing, until it is swallowed up in naivete. Hope things go well with your queries! Cheers!

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    1. I know what you mean. I wanted to quit this thing last year, but kept hoping the situation would improve. Then I realized that it was part of a bigger problem that no one cares to fix.

      At that point I quit.

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  13. I've come to realize being forced out of my job was the best thing that happened to me. It put me on a path I was until then afraid to take and I'm so much happier now. So changes are good sometimes.

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    1. Definitely. They're even for the best sometimes. Glad to hear things worked out for you. :-)

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