Wednesday, September 6, 2017

IWSG: I'm Back and Boy Am I Feeling the Insecurity

Hey all!

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I've been away from the Insecure Writers' Support Group for a while, but yesterday I decided to get right back onto that bandwagon.

For those of you who aren't familiar with IWSG, it's the brainchild of Alex Cavanaugh, where us writers can go to share our fears and insecurities once a month, on the first Wednesday. In addition, there is also an optional extra question for those of us who just don't feel that insecure at the time.

 

I have a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge insecurity this month, but I stupidly made that my vlog post for last Friday. 

Lucky me, I also have another, smaller, niggling insecurity that I've been trying to ignore. And that big insecurity has just made that feeling much worse. 

In short, I feel like nothing's getting done. 

Which is a stupid feeling for me to have, as I literally have a list every day, where I'm checking off task after task that I've finished. 

But. 

There was once a time when I was capable of rough drafting, rewriting and editing a manuscript in six to eight months. 

That's a lovely pace to maintain. And I did it while having a day-job. 

But since then, all of my projects just seem to be stuck in mud. Book 3 in The War of Six Crowns has been two years (!!!) in the making and it's still not done. And now I'm having problems with another project that will be setting me back for some more months on that. (This is my big insecurity.) 

That's not the worst, though. 

The worst is that I've made the decision to become a full-time writer a year ago. Did that help me speed up? 

Nope. Because now that I have more time for writerly things, I somehow also have less time to actually write, because to be a writer who isn't also a starving writer, I have to do other writing-related jobs for money. This part is surprisingly successful. 

But actually writing? 

Uhm....

Uhm....

Uhm.....

I haven't been able to write in more than a month, now. Mainly because of the crippling insecurity around that other book. But also because I conveniently have a million other things to do, which makes it so easy to procrastinate. 

Sigh. 

Anyone else feel like they're stuck in mud with their writing? I'd ask how you get over that feeling, but I already know the only thing to do is actually stop moaning and start actually working on something again. 

34 comments:

  1. Hi Misha, well I’m in awe of your writing. I only write a weekly blog, and I sometimes feel just that is a hard slog. I also question why I do it, and ask myself if anyone is really interested in anything I have to say. I’m not sure that will make you feel better, but at least you will know you are not alone! I used to own and run a book business and do the blog, update a website, visit auctions and everything else that went along with it – then I retired – and suddenly had no time to do anything.

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    1. Hey Barbara, I also questioned my blogging for a while, but the truth is that now that I'm not as exhausted as I was for most of the past year (due to some stuff happening in my life), I really enjoy it.

      I'm so glad to find I'm not the only one with less time after I made a move that should have opened up my day. :-)

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  2. Hi Misha - I'm sure it'll all come winging back to life soon enough - we all need time to settle and work out what's what. I guess you could switch track and write some memoir notes, or stories about Africa ... gathering chapters for some form of book ... good luck though - cheers Hilary

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    1. I am thinking about switching tracks, but I feel guilty to do it now, since I basically stopped working on the project after reading about a third of it, so I never even got as far as working on it this time. :-/

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  3. That's really great how you have shifted to becoming a full time writer. I think that's a huge accomplishment. Yes, like you I feel a bit stuck. Only because I'm beginning a new project and building the research side in the moment. I'm to write, but I need more background. Hopefully by the end of the week I'll feel better with my research. Good luck to you. It sounds like you are on the write track. :)

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  4. I feel stuck all the time. It would actually surprise me not to feel stuck. But you know you can be a hugely productive writer so I have a feeling you'll get unstuck in no time and be back at it.

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    1. I hope you're right! I do feel like a lot of this is mental, so I just need to chip away at the block until it's no more than a splinter.

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  5. I don't feel stuck, but am often frustrated at how long it takes to fully cook a book. I'm on novel #4 now, and my speed is slowly increasing, but it's still a slow putt-putt trajectory.

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    1. I empathize. I picked up a lot of speed over the years, only to hit a setback three years ago that I still haven't recovered from.

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  6. Just keep saying "I can do it; I can do it." I understand though. It seems like I write and write but never finish. My list of things to do gets carried over to another day. We will get there.

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    1. Yeah just in the past week, I've seen my list shrinking. Just wish I could do it faster.

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  7. I commented on Wordpress because I was working backwards from the end of the list and thought you'd migrated. I'll say here: just do it! Even 50 words a day on your own WIP will be progress.

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    1. Whoops! Yeah I have both because Wordpress peeps complained about not being able to comment.

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  8. I love your honesty. I've been where you are more times than I'd like to count. Best of luck to you!

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  9. I'm always wading through the mud over here as well. Life is kicking my butt and it's a huge challenge to move at the pace I'd like to. Of course, that's not even counting how debilitating imposter syndrome/lack of confidence can be! Good luck and hugs!!!

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    1. I'm sorry that life is kicking your butt. I know that feeling and it's incredibly difficult to keep going in those circumstances.

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  10. Yup feel so so stuck but not totally which is an improvement for me lately. Juneta @ Writer's Gambit

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  11. I know what you mean by nothing getting done. I struggle with similar feelings all the time. But from the outside, it seems that you're actually doing a lot.

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    1. Yeah that's the thing, isn't it? I could manage a hundred things in a week and my brain would still say "Pht, that's nothing."

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  12. Sometimes, it's like being swallowed in quicksand...so frustrating not making the progress I want. You're definitely not alone! I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back. Main thing - keep on truckin'! You're doing more than you think!

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    1. Yeah exactly like that. Or in my case, I check one thing off my to-do list and add three more. :-D

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  13. Some parts of writing just sucks. The side projects, the marketing, the editing and revising - they're all necessary and technically "writing" but I know when I'm doing them I never feel like I'm getting anything done. It's a love-hate relationship.

    IWSG September

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    1. That's EXACTLY how I feel! I'm at a stage of my writing career where I often have to spend more time on building awareness of my work than actually adding to my work.

      It's really annoying.

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  14. Good to find you again, Misha, but to hear about your writing problems. I am back blocking after a break, need to as part of a course I am taking and having to read books written by well established authors on the subject of writing! One I found extremely motivating was Stephen King, but perhaps you know this.

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    1. Oh yeah, On Writing is one of my favorite writing books, because it felt like he often spoke to me directly.

      Nice to hear from you again, Carole. :-)

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  15. Oh urgghhh! I wish with all my heart that I didn't know what you mean but I do. I really do. Yesterday I got word that I didn't even make the long list of a contest I'd entered and I went into a downward spiral of grim misery. That's my lowest point - I have a novel that's mired and muddled, I have one out being rejected and these essays and poems. And nothing. Ah well, we shall trudge on bit by bit and contemplate Mary Wesley, a fabulous late bloomer!

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    1. I'm sorry that you're in the doldrums. It's really not a nice place to be in. Hope you get back to writing again soon. :-)

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  16. I'm in the mud with ya, Misha. And yeah, the only way I've ever found out of it is to just start writing again - even if it's a chore at first, after a few days (or weeks) of consistently doing it, it all starts to flow...at least that's what I'm counting on happening again.

    Congrats on your success in other writerly endeavors!

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    1. It's the same with me. It's always the hardest to start when there's more momentum, but once there's movement, it gets progressively easier.

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  17. It's so easy to get sucked into all the other stuff and not get to your own writing. I did that when I was editing part-time, and I eventually had to give it up. I can only handle two jobs at once (full-time day job and part-time writing). But money is a big factor too, of course. For me when I wanted to get back into writing after a hiatus, I set up an amount of time a day I could devote to write. I started at fifteen minutes. If nothing more, it got me to sit down, open up the document, and write. Even if I only wrote a sentence or two, then I considered that good. Progress is progress, after all, even when it slows down to a glacial pace. :)

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    1. Yeah it definitely helps to set a specific amount of time to work on your own stuff. :-)

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