It's really short, since it's intended to capture a brief moment.
But yeah... this isn't exactly light reading. Unfortunately, my muse could not be convinced to give me something else...
Please feel free to crit if you want, although this piece won't be for a larger piece.
Word count: 147
Lightning flashed, but the thunder that roars after it is the loudest I ever experienced. I see the earth lift up into the sky as death rises up. Everything around me shudders and groans its last breath. Wind blows to the explosion as death inhales, raising to its full height. People around me scream and run, but I watch transfixed.
Where would I go?
There is no running from the death expanding its head like a cobra preparing to strike. It would be too fast.
For a moment I think about things I could have done different. Things I should have said to people I love. Loved.
I should have told them more… God. This is really happening. It’s rolling towards me now. Little particles of dust and stone and bone hit me as death reaches out in all directions.
I close my eyes and wait.
wow, the suspense! Loved this!ReplyDelete
OMG! This has me on the edge of my seat! I want more!ReplyDelete
I love it! Very dramatic, and well written :)ReplyDelete
holy end of the world! awesome flash!ReplyDelete
Really dig it, Mish. Think you are going to do well in the contest!ReplyDelete
This story really captures the terror of the moment.ReplyDelete
I'm imagining THE TERMINATOR for some reason.ReplyDelete
And meanwhile, in a remote missile silo somewhere, a flustered general is thinking, "Whoops! Shouldn't have pressed the red button!"ReplyDelete
Awesome story, Misha! I love the atmosphere and the imagery. Very nice!
Thank you for entering my 2nd Annual Flash Fiction Blogfest! The six finalists will be announced on Friday, May 25th. I will further comment on your entry on Thursday.ReplyDelete
Very nice! I especially like the line about death expanding like a cobra snake. Nice imagery!!ReplyDelete
Short but powerful!ReplyDelete
Very awesome! Great imagery! Good job!!ReplyDelete
Very powerful piece. The last thoughts of a bomb attack victim perhaps...but could be any other dozen scenarios.ReplyDelete
Very intense and powerful! I like the "love. Loved. Love." repetition. :)ReplyDelete
This is awesome and so powerful! Gave me chills while I was reading. Great work. :)ReplyDelete
That's a powerful story!ReplyDelete
Great story Misha. I really loved the imagery from such powerful metaphors. Death as a cobra! How awesome is that?ReplyDelete
Powerful image, and sad!ReplyDelete
Allison (Geek Banter)
How terrible it would be to see death approaching like that...but I like that this story serves as a reminder that in the end, love is what we will remember most and what will be most regretted if it was missing in life. Well done.ReplyDelete
I may never view thunderstorms the same way again.ReplyDelete
Wow! What a powerful story to have your character literally facing death.ReplyDelete
Incredible flash piece. I could almost feel the storm bearing down on me as I read it. Bravo!ReplyDelete
Whoa! That really gave me chills! Part of me desperately wants to know how it came about but another part of me thinks it's way scarier to *not* know. Brava!ReplyDelete
Some Dark Romantic
Powerful ending and so sad. Nice entry!ReplyDelete
Oh, that's chilling, Misha. I wanted to yell for your character to run.ReplyDelete
Awesome. Easily connects with reader. I want to know more.ReplyDelete
I liked this piece, chilling, dark, and well written. I especially enjoyed the cobra imagery! (:ReplyDelete
Ooh it gave me tingles, very good :)ReplyDelete
The flash fiction was awesome. I love the details in the description. The way you describe things certainly sets the mood. Thanks for sharing.ReplyDelete
I know it's been said, but I have to repeat it. Powerful is the perfect word for this. It just hits so hard. Thanks.ReplyDelete
Some great imagery, quite enjoyed this little piece,ReplyDelete
though did you mean "rising to its full height"?
Wow, I love how she just waits for it. "Where would I run?" That takes some inner strength.ReplyDelete
Excellent imagery in this! I love the impending apocalyptic tones :)ReplyDelete
I read this earlier, but my laptop seems to be having some internet connection issues, so I'm not sure I commented.ReplyDelete
So, finally . . .
Beautiful, intense flash with loads of imagery!
Such a tense piece packed into so few words. Great job!ReplyDelete
I'll announce the finalists on Friday.
Nice story! I like how you divided it into paragraphs, especially when the single word "love" is just written on its own. The whole story is more powerful that way. Well done!ReplyDelete
This is so sad :(ReplyDelete