Life can't ever really defeat a writer who is in love with writing, for life itself is a writer's lover until death - fascinating, cruel, lavish, warm, cold, treacherous, constant.
Edna Ferber, A Kind of Magic, 1963
I am willing to say this now. Compared to 90% of my life thus far, 2011 sucked. Big time.
This isn't going to be a moaning and groaning sort of post, but suffice it to say that I've been thwarted, frustrated, scared, terrified, down, stuck, set adrift, disappointed, lifted to soaring heights only to be dropped at the worst possible moment.
I've been told I'm too overqualified, underqualified, inexperienced, deluded, irresponsible when I was only being different, wrong.
I've been forced to play the waiting game more times than I even want to count.
In 2011, I was also probably the happiest I've been in years. Because I dug deep and really got to know myself. I know now that I have a reserve of strength that I'd thought had been lost three years ago.
Also, I got to write almost every day that I wanted to. And that helped. Because with every day that I wrote, I could take a step back from my life and see where I was and that, suck as it might, life wasn't big enough to squash me.
I could keep going and because of that, I'm much stronger and (theoretically) more patient. And relaxed, because the added perspective showed me some things about myself that helped me to deal with a lot of nonsense that I've been carrying about for years.
So yes. Life was my lover last year, even if he was a pain in the ass. He taught me a lot. And I can't wait to see where he leads me this year.
How is your life treating you? What did you learn last year?
Last year was one of the most stressful in my life. There were three major life changes, but...well, no buts. At my age I can be more philosophical and say this is what life is. I still get up real early every morning and can't wait for my journey to continue. My faith in God keeps me grounded.
ReplyDeleteLast year was a bit of a blur, and definitely wasn't a monolith in terms of me being able to sum it up easily. Like every year, but for different reasons, 2011 was delightful and infuriating. Whoa. I guess I did sum it up easily.
ReplyDeleteI think we all have years like that, to differing degrees.
ReplyDeleteI love your last paragraph (before the questions). I especially love the 'lover being a pain in the ass' reference. :D
I'm just glad last year is over!
ReplyDeleteI've learned to trust, and have joy in my writing, and my life.
ReplyDeleteHi, I found your blog from Cindy's blog. To answer your question I want to say the following about life: I recently discovered that I can now watch my life as an outsider. I can simply observe it, and come to the realization that most of my concerns are meaningless. I don't care anymore about the negative inner talk. I cling to the positive side of every matter and that helps my mind to be clear and more creative. So that was my discovery. It is like embarking on a new life. I'm glad to be following your blog!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing so beautifully and honestly. I can relate on some levels and I'm happy you found you had a strength you didn't know was there. Hoping this year's lover treats you much better! ;)
ReplyDelete"...life wasn't big enough to squash me." Reading that made my heart soar. I used to feel squashed, but no more! 2011 had beautiful highs and tragic lows for me. I have learned and grown as a human being and as Em-Musing said, "My faith in God has kept me grounded."
ReplyDeleteOddly enough those kind of years are the best kind of years for me--I'm able to say after the fact, of course ;)
ReplyDeleteWishing you are fabulous 2012 and best of luck for reaching your goal in June.
Great post and splendid take on "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."
ReplyDeleteI've learned that I have wear lots of hats but I damn sure better be ready to say NO sometimes. Otherwise, I will drive myself into the ground, to the benefit of no one.
I'm glad you're taking strength from what you've survived. It's too easy sometimes, isn't it, to let things get to you and bring you down? Writing can certainly be a wonderful escape.
ReplyDeleteHi Misha-- Just happened upon your blog, and so glad I did! Last year was a rough one for our family--- illnesses, financial problems(seems that one is almost universal), and deaths of two friends our age, and then two family members from cancer...so I was glad to see it go! Let me add that we are not young, but we are not yet 50...so these things really make you think. Lots of soul searching-- and I decided that I need to do what I love-- I love to write, and I love to help others write. So, I am going to publish a 'how to' book for writers-- how to get started, how to find work, how to market yourself, how to get published...so, I am right where you are at the moment. (The novel I've been tinkering with for years will be next.) Are you self-publishing?
ReplyDeleteI am really happy to hear that you had the strength to fight when many would just surrender.
ReplyDelete2011, a year to remember! I think I learned that patience does pay off, and getting what you wanted doesn't make you're happy and carefree, sometimes it just means you've got a new set of aches and pains and worries and woes! Praying 2012 is a great year for you!
ReplyDeleteGlad you feel you've learned lots last year and that has brought you happiness and fulfilment.
ReplyDeleteEvery learning chapter of our life makes us wiser, Misha. Its a part of our growth. I learnt some harsh lessons last year, lessons which will make me cautious for the rest of my life.
ReplyDeleteEm, I'm with you. Above all things, God was who kept me going.
ReplyDeleteHehehe Sarah I think it's a very good summery.
Stina I think so. I can only live in hope that this year will so to a much lesser degree. ;-)
Me too, Beth.
Those are some great lessons, Loree.
Glad to have you, Julia. Welcome! I'm happy to hear that you learnt to disregard negative inner talk.
Thanks Catherine, same to you.
Belle, I'm honored to know that something I wrote touched your heart in such a good way. I hope you have a blessed 2012.
Lynda, the are for me too. I feel great knowing that I withstood adversity. Still, I can't help hoping that 2012 gives me at least a bit of a break.
Yeah Angela, no is a very good word to have in your vocab.
CD it's way too easy. Dangerously so.
Hi Denise! Thanks for following my blog. I hope you find something of value here. :-)
Thanks Bragon.
Jenna those are some big lessons. I hope that you have a wonderful year.
Thanks Madeleine. :-)
Rachna, it's sad that we have to go through harsh lessons, but we need them. Good luck with 2012.