For those of you unfamiliar with the idea, IWSG is a monthly bloghop where a lot of writers share their insecurities and encouragements. Which in the end makes everyone involved feel better. Don't believe me? Join up and see.
So why am I telling you this?
Well 1) because I need prayers, people, and this will be the shortest route to get a wide exposure. 2) because it actually does have to do with my big insecurity this month. So please bear with me.
As you may know, I spent four months this year grappling with my former publisher with regards to my rights to my War of Six Crowns books. So by end of April/Early May, it's all over. And I finally get back into the groove where I can write and edit and just generally focus on getting stuff done.
But just when I think everything's okay again, suddenly it isn't.
See, my family business (in which I own a substantial share) is in the agricultural industry. The natural progression given the success we had for two years was to buy a farm.
We basically purchased on a delayed agreement, which means we pay rent on the farm for a few months. At which point we either give the farm up or buy it. The lovely thing is that we got the farm, which is valued and priced so we can get a loan on it.
The less than wonderful thing: We got the farm just as business dried up, thanks to European sanctions on our main export. But that was fine. Our records were good enough that we could still get financing, and income by producing and exporting products that are lower-risk, high income and sanction free. We were in the process of doing both. Things still looked good. (Well, except for the crap with my publisher.)
But last week, a new bomb dropped.
After hearing vague rumors, it has now been confirmed that our government is actively looking into passing a law, taking 50% of land owned by farmers and redistributing it to impoverished communities.
Let me say that again, before anyone has an "awe that's so sweet" sort of reaction.
Is considering to disregard basic property rights. (Of the variety: "I bought something and therefore it is mine.")
To give HALF of property OWNED by people.
To other people who can't and won't be paying a cent for any of it.
It means that people who have mortgages on farms they purchased, will have to pay full mortgages on half farms. I.E. $2mil when he/she only has $1mil of farm left. And which means they will have to do so on half their projected production levels.
Which in short, means that no one in his right mind will buy a farm now. (We also stopped the purchase until we can see what the law will really be in the end.) But it also means no one's investing in agricultural businesses either. Farm or no farm.
And certainly no one will contract us in long term exporting arrangements now because no one knows what the output will be.
Which means that yes. My business is grinding to a complete halt.
Which means that, yes, this is probably as insecure as you're ever going to see me. Because right now, as I'm writing this, everything I've worked for (including my plans to publish) are teetering on the brink of evaporation.
Because everything me and my family earned in our business went into the farm. And now everything we might earn has to go into keeping ourselves and the people we employ afloat. Which I still admit puts us in a much better place than a lot of other people. We are still solvent and functioning. But if this law is passed...
The ramifications of this is absolutely staggering. And that's just on our farm. I'm not even getting into what this law will do to the economy as a whole.
Which means that yeah. I'm terrified. I'm worried.
I still stand firm in the belief that God hasn't and won't desert us. But sometimes standing firm is taking so much out of me that I can barely concentrate on anything else.