Insecure Writer's Support Group: Rolling Back the Hours

On the first Wednesday of every month, a sizable group of us writers take part in the Insecure Writer's Support group. We share our insecurities, because in the end, it helps us to realize that we're not the only ones feeling the way we do. If you want to check out the bloghop or sign up, you can find information here.

Also, if for whatever reason you prefer Wordpress, you can find this same post here.

As I mentioned on my Update Day post, I actually had an amazing month in May, and although there are still quite a few things up in the air, I think June might end up being a big one too.

One of the major highlights of May was that I signed a contract with a major company to help create their content. It actually suits me perfectly because I'm using my degree and my writing skills together.

For now, the contract is basically a test run until December, but given how happy the lady in charge of my work is, I'm starting to feel secure in the fact that an extension past that is probable, even likely. It's really strange to think that I'm this excited about the job, because it was so not what I had in mind when I started freelancing, but my brain is really enjoying the chance to use both hemispheres at the same time, since I have to be both analytical and creative, reading reams of reports and pulling all that information together into articles that people that haven't read those reports can understand.

Best of all, assuming this is a long-term kind of gig, it actually gives me the level of financial security I need to allow me more writing hours.

So where's the insecurity?

Well. In the fact that for the past two weeks, I've been sleeping through those writing hours, which means I'm still struggling to fit everything into my schedule.

See, when I was working fixed price gigs instead of hourly like I do now, my hours drifted. It didn't matter what time of the day I did something as long as it got done before deadline. And I was "filling" my writing hours with freelance work because for the past few months, I was in no shape to be creative. The stress and anxiety from my life exhausted me emotionally, and since freelance was paying my way, I put the emotional reserves I had into that so I can keep racking up the good ratings. (A strategy that paid off in a big way because it directly led to this contract.)

The overall result was that my sleeping patterns shifted to hours inoptimal to my writing. I went to bed at 2 a.m. and woke up at 8, maybe 9. Then I'd work from about 10 a.m. to as late as 11 p.m., and veg out until 2 a.m.

Bad bad Misha.

Because a lot of the stress points in my life have lifted, which leaves me wanting to work on my own stuff. Thing is, if I want uninterrupted writing hours, and I do, I need to wake up at 6 a.m. It's a simple thing, really. In theory, I should get to bed at around midnight and set my alarm.

Phht. Uh huh.

I did that.

Now I have the lovely sounds of my alarm as backdrop to my dreams.

As I sleep right through it to 8, maybe 9.

So now I'm going to move my hours some more and get to bed by 10 p.m. but it remains to be seen how that works out.

How do you guys on Daylight Savings Time manage to shift your sleeping patterns? It shouldn't be that different from what I'm trying to do. 

Insecure Writer's Support Group

For those of you unfamiliar with the Insecure Writer's Support Group... A couple of hundred writers from around the blogosphere have signed up to this bloghop, which is hosted by Alex J. Cavanaugh. Then, on the first Wednesday of every month, we share our insecurities and/or encouragements.

This month, I'm co-hosting the IWSG Bloghop along with LK Hill, Juneta Key, Christy, and Joylene Butler. 

Before I get into my post, though, I just have two more spots of admin to get through. 

First, I'm also visiting Ronel Janesen van Vuuren today, sharing some of my thoughts on Patreon. 

Then, if you'd rather read this exact same post on Wordpress, please click here. 

Right. Now that's done, let's get into it, shall we? 

As you may or may not know, I've recently started taking this being-a-writer thing seriously. Like... really really seriously. 

Like... I'm-being-a-writer-for-90%-of-my-time-and-using-my-writing-skills-to-earn-99%-of-my-income seriously. 

And how's it going? 

Surprisingly well, money wise. I basically started from scratch in September. And in January, I've made my country's minimum wage for the first time. 

Which is AMAZE-BALLS. You guys can't imagine how happy I am with that. 

Except. 

Most of that money's coming from me freelancing as an editor/formatter/cover designer (which I totally see as writing skills, because all of the above are needed for me to make it as a writer.) 

Not so much from selling books. 

But that's okay, because I always knew I should start of making money as I can and spending money on marketing etc for my books in order to grow my readership. 

Here's the thing, though... Growing my readership will actually happen when I have my next book out. Which I can't get to when my freelance list fills up out of nowhere. 

And I can't market my old books until I have them updated. Which some of you might now be chortling about, because I've been saying I'll update the books since May last year. And the cause of the delay? 

Newsletters. Website. I have no money to pay someone to design either, and because people are hiring me for a ton of stuff they don't have time for, I don't have the time to do either of those two myself. 

And I can't link to them unless I have them set up. So I can't update my books to include the links. 

See? One giant bowl of I-really-have-no-time spaghetti. 

So now, I'm trying to make writing time, which is making me feel bad, because the whole reason why I decided to go full-time was that I WANTED TO HAVE TIME TO WRITE! 

*gasp gasp gasp*

How do you deal with everything trying to steal your writing time? Any advice for me? 

Balancing

I'm stealing a few moments to check in. It's really busy here on my side, since I'm trying to write 100k words this month and I got three editing and formatting jobs to do.

Not sure what I'm doing right to get all those jobs, but I'm not going to argue with it. I have to say, I'm really glad that I decided to augment my publishing income this way, because I'm actually enjoying it a lot. More than that, spending most of my working hours on this means that I'm really getting paid (and incentivized) to sharpen skills that I can use on my own publishing efforts later.

My major thing this week is to get these jobs done by Friday, because then I have enough money to pay out my Payoneer account, which means my cash flows at least until next month again. Yeah yeah. I know. Business. Bleh.

I realize the need for balance, though. I can't keep writing so much that I don't actually check in on my social networks. (I know. I'm TERRIBLE.) I can't freelance so much that I can't actually write. There has to be a way to make everything fit in.

So now I'm giving myself regular breaks on editing gigs. Usually, I have a tendency to sit down and power through the entire manuscripts in as close to one sitting as possible. I just get lost in what I'm doing, so I don't realize that I haven't moved in four straight hours.

Which is a terrible thing. Very bad for my health. So.

Now I have a timer running. I set it for 30 minutes to an hour, and stop, move around, blog, check in on twitter etc for a short while before starting again.

That way, I also get to refresh my mind, which I imagine will only serve me even better for getting frequent rests than it does without them.

I'm also hoping that giving myself frequent short breaks will keep me from being too tired once I get around to writing. I don't like pushing through exhaustion too much. It's too risky, because if I burn out, it'll be months before I can write, and I've given myself an official(ish) deadline for Book 3.

Luckily for me, writing is feeling like fun at the moment, which means my brain isn't picking up that it's actually a hell of a lot of work. Unless I'm tired.

So it's much better not to tire myself out. I'm way more productive that way.

How are you doing? Any tips for me to stay balanced?

Insecure Writer's Support Group: It's Never as Good as You Remember

It's the first Wednesday of the month, which means it's time for the Insecure Writer's Support Group. The brainchild of Alex J. Cavanaugh, IWSG is a monthly bloghop where writers can share their doubts, fears and insecurities. In supporting each other, we can then see that we're really not alone. 

You're welcome to join. All you have to do is click here for more info and to sign up.

If you'd like to rather read this post on Wordpress, please click here. 

As I've been mentioning lately, I'm busy updating (and in a lot of ways, upgrading) my first two books in The War of Six Crowns. Since I'm a bit of a perfectionist, I couldn't leave things at changing the covers and fonts. Oh no, I decided to give the books another proofreading pass. 

After all, it's a well-known fact that mistakes slip through the finest of nets. So it couldn't hurt, right? 

Well. 

I finished reading through The Vanished Knight yesterday with a growing sense of insecurity. Not because it was bad, but because it was good. The characters' voices sing in this story. There's a sort of poetry to the way it's written. 

It's just... amazing. 

Almost to the point where it's shocking to think that I wrote it. 

And Book 3... just isn't on that level. 

And that got me down. 

But then I gave myself a mental slap. 

See, I first published The Vanished Knight in 2013. And before that, I spent two years struggling to get through writing it and the sequel. In fact, it was such a pain in my ass that I almost quit writing altogether. Gasp! I know it's hard to think that I'd seriously contemplate quitting. 

But The Vanished Knight and The Heir's Choice were so hard to write that it damn near convinced me I couldn't write for shit. 

Fortunately, I had a lot of awesome blogging buddies (including you guys in the IWSG) who could talk me down, and I didn't give up. 

After that, The Vanished Knight alone when through over 30 (count them. THIRTY) revision and editing rounds to get it into the shape it's in now. 

And I guess I forgot about all that because one doesn't remember pain. 

But the history is there. 

The struggle was there. 

And expecting myself to draft out the sequel to the books that almost made me quit while expecting it to look like The Vanished Knight looks now is lunacy. 

So this is a reminder.

Don't ever compare your drafts to books that have been published. (Be they your own or someone else's.) 

Those books look so good because of a huge amount of work that went into polishing them. Work that you still need to do, but that you can't do if you're crippled by the idea that you're a bad writer. 

So. 

Stop moping because a book is soooooo much better than yours, and just write yours. Who knows? The book you're working on right now might just be good enough to send someone else moping later. 

Do you get down when comparing the quality of your writing to published works? 

Before you go, the Mni Wiconi Bloghop in support of Standing Rock has been extended to 7 January, if you'd still like to sign up. There are prizes to be won too, so check it out. :-)

Sorry for being so quiet!

This week was a rough one.

Mostly, a lot of developments in my business-life (as supposed to writing-life or... well. life-life) meant that I had zero time for any writing or even social networking.

I'm not complaining. Any movement in the business is good, so I rather spend more time a day and get things dealt with than drag things out. Now we're basically back to the waiting part, which means I should have more time to write.

I have sooooo much writing to do, though. It's kinda starting to give me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's not a guilt thing. It's a stress thing. If I'm in stressful situations, writing helps me blow of steam, but when I'm too tired to write... I don't, and the stress keeps building.

You'd think that would mean the words just come rushing out as soon as I sit down, but you'd be wrong.

Cause the more stress builds, the harder it becomes for me to find my words. Which adds to my stress, which makes writing more difficult, which adds to my stress.

Yeah.

Not fun.

And I'd like to say I'll write this weekend, but I'm days behind on my editing goals as well. So now I don't know what I should do first.

I'll just have to figure it out over the weekend.

How are you doing? 

A Belated Update Day

So after all this time, I finally managed to be way late for my own bloghop. It’s been a long week and I got home so late that I just couldn’t focus. I decided to sit back and sort through my goals for July in the morning (because I didn’t have time to do it all week).

And when I finally managed to sit down and put this post together, I realized that I’ve got to be realistic and completely change the way I’m approaching my goals.

Why?

Let me show you…

Writing Goals:

1) 60 000 words written, 60 hours of edits or some combination of those.

The equivalent of 23k words.

2) Find and submit to Critique Partners for Wo6C3

Sent to one CP and in short, Wo6C3 needs only a ton more work before I can send it out to more.

3) Critique works by critique partners.

I’m waiting for my CP’s work.

4) Edit ES1

Didn’t look at it.

5) Prep rewrite for BvB2.

I managed to think of this a few times before I had to do something else.

6) Complete revisions to O1

I revised two chapters.

7) Add 10000 words to StW1

Added almost 8k words.

8) Work on CdW concept
Nope.

9) Start Sci Fi Project. (Still thinking about an suitable acronym.)

Nope and Nope.

10) Work on concept for a new story that came to me while I rested.

A little bit of this done, but not much in the way of a concrete start.

11) Edit my Untethered Realms anthology story.

Done. Yay. I managed one thing.

Reading:

Read 6 books.

I read 4.

Read some chapters of Les Trois Mousquetaires.

Nope.

Networking and Marketing:

Rethink Social Network Strategy

This I did and it’s huge. So much so that it’s taking a chunk of my writing time to implement.

Regular updates to at least some of the social networks.

This I was spotty on because I’m basically rebuiling my entire social network from scratch in some places.

Confirm new covers for Wo6C series.

Done.

Life:

Maintain balance between life, writing and work.

Bahahahahahaha *cries*

Go to dancing classes once a week.

Didn’t go because the week before I was to go to my first lesson, I discovered that I’m moving again, so I couldn’t sign the membership contract.

Get into the habit of eating more frequent, smaller meals. (Stress and an ulcer don’t mix, so I have to help where I can.)

This I did and also cut way back on carbs and sugars to help even further.

In short: I managed to do precious little that I set out to do.

There are a variety of reasons for this:

1) I’m having to rebuild my day-job business from scratch yet again. Which means I have to put in more hours.

2) I’m having to restructure my social networking (see here if you’re curious as to why and what I’m doing.)

3) I’m a bit of an emotional mess due to reason number 1

4) While being an emotional mess, I default to working on The War of Six Crowns, which means that I broke my own rule of not working on a sequel before the earlier book is ready for publishing, so that I could work on Book 4 while waiting for CP feed back on Book 3. And now Book 3 needs more work.

5) People, I feel like crying this morning.

In short, it’s taken just about two years of unrelenting pressure, but I’ve buckled under. This month was the most unproductive I’ve ever been and it’s been a downward trend from January.

Yesterday, I spoke to my mother about how I’m feeling right now and… It’s not good. I’m exhausted. Completely and utterly. I’ve expended every ounce of my energy to keep going earlier this year and in return I got my suppliers and clients stolen by someone I trusted and nothing to show for it because all the money I’d earned went into surviving.

So.

The situation is this.

I’m not catching a break.

My hard work does not result in anything. Because in this life, it seems, the only thing that matters is being rich or being lucky. I’m neither.

And yet, I can’t just give up, so I have to keep going.

I have to keep working in the hopes that this time I strike it lucky. And heaven knows I’ll keep writing because the day I stop that I might as well stop living.

But I can’t keep trying to do so much because I have readers waiting for Book 3. I probably have one or two people hoping I get the sequel to Endless out too. Since The War of Six Crowns is my happy place, that’s my priority, but other than that, my only priority right now is to survive rebuilding, moving house, and doing everything else I need to do in order to have a shot at making it as a writer.

Sorry if this is way too much of a downer, but this is where I am right now. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. 

Insecure Writer's Support Group: This is a big one.

Hey everyone. Today I'm a bit all over the place. (Okay not really. Just here and three other blogs.) 

I'll get to this month's insecurity now, but first, let me just warn inform you of my whereabouts. 

First, I'm visiting Denise, sharing a story of the insecurities I faced when I started writing Endless. She cross-posts to two blog platforms, so if you're on Blogger, click here. Wordpress: here. 

Then, Jessica interviewed me on Author Tracker and Ken interviewed me on My Hogwarts Sabatical. 

But it doesn't feel like to skip the Insecure Writers' Support Group (and boy, do I have a doozie today), so I thought I'd leave a post here too. 

Okay so this is going to be hard. Because today I'm going to share a bit of a secret. Or not. I'm pretty sure I might have mentioned this once or twice before. 

The thing is, I don't like talking about it. 

But hey, as I said, it's a doozie of a cause for insecurity and I've been struggling with working through my feelings. So, since writing is a good way to do this (and posting gives me motivation to actually do it...) 

*Deep breaths* Warning. This does occasionally go into ranting territory. 

So on Saturday, I woke up to the thought that nothing I ever do is enough to actually succeed. 

Which, on its own, might seem like a rather silly little issue. 

Except I have an anxiety disorder. 

Yeah. I do. Had a psychologist who diagnosed me in my third year of university. Maybe I've had it forever. I know I had my first (and oddly enough last) panic attack when I was in sixth grade. People didn't handle it well. I suppressed it and thought that it had gone away. 

But yeah. My second year of university wrecked me. So badly that my mom made me go to a psychologist because she thought I either suffered from depression or did drugs. Yes. My emotional state had gradually darkened and grew so bad that my mom thought I had taken a control substance because my entire outlook on life had changed. 

I had gone from being a go-getter with huge goals and the daring to get it to someone who no longer felt like there was a point to trying anymore. 

It took me an entire year (and an existential crisis) to find myself again. During which I almost ran away (and I'm purposefully using the phrase) to the navy because I couldn't deal with my fears that I'd get trapped in a job I hated because of a degree I no longer even wanted to get.

But I clawed my way out. Step by step. First by realizing that I didn't actually have to do what people expected of me. Then, but proving to myself that I could get ahead and still write (which is actually one of the key aspects to my dealing with my mind.) 

And boy. I got ahead. I finished a shit ton of books. I got a publishing deal at 24. At exactly the same time, I was a co-owner and shareholder of an 8-digit turnover company.

It's easy to function through my insecurity when things are actually going well. 

That was 2013. 

In 2014, everything went to hell, basically, except for my and my family's health (which I'm grateful for). 

But materially speaking, we lost everything. My whole life went into a dive and I've been fighting to pull out of it ever since. 

In January 2015, I was determined to pull out and just. 

Fucking. 

Get. 

One. 

Fucking. 

Step. 

Ahead. 

It's May 2016 now. And yes, I've made progress. At the moment I'm touring the third book I released in two years. My mother and I started a business that we merged with another. 

But it's also May 2016, and after months of hard work, most of which I've spent working 12 to 14 hour work days (you know, not writing). 

And, except for the fact that I'm not able to write for vast majorities of the time and risking burn-out by writing in literally every available moment of time when I'm not sleeping, (I'm serious. Except for about eight hours of singing in total and maybe four t.v. days, I've done nothing but working, writing and sleeping since December.) I'm no better off now than I was last year this time. (In fact I'm worse off, but explaining that will probably stretch the post too far.) 

I can't describe the mixture of fury and hopelessness welling up within me as I write this. 

So on Saturday, I guess I came to the point where my anxiety would no longer be ignored. But if I give up, I'm fucked. And I won't be the only one. 

Somehow, I have to ignore the patent evidence around me to say that there is a point to this. That it must break at some point -- hopefully before I do. That yes, doing all the right things and working hard will bring me success again. 

That this time, my success won't be stolen by another asshole that I will see on t.v. with my fucking business that was also a casualty of 2014 (not kidding. Happened yesterday.). Or someone else I will probably hear of in my day-job due to (yep, you guessed it) anther 2014 casualty. 

Somehow, I have to fool myself into believing that all this will happen so that I can at least write again. Because if I stop writing, there's no point to hoping I'll become a writer, is there? 

Arranging Furniture in My Head

I've recently been under a lot of stress. In fact, it's gotten to the point where it felt like my whole brain wanted to short-circuit. (Not going to give a whole blow-by-blow again, but if you're wondering what it's like, you can take a good look here.) 

The thing is that I've been having to function under increasing levels of stress for the past two years, and I kind of reached a breaking point over the weekend before last. The funny thing is that I'm actually not as stressed this year as I have been for the past two, but at any rate, I haven't been in a place where I can honestly say that I can truly breathe easier in the past two years. 

And. 

Sigh. 

This is going to be hard to say. 

Anxiety is a real thing, and last Wednesday was that thing raising its head in a way I hadn't experienced in years. 

I think it was a build up of little things that kept growing and growing until one extra little thing made me feel like my whole life was getting wasted and that I'd be trapped watching said wastage taking place forever. 

The good thing about all this was that this particular freak-out meant that I woke up to the need to evaluate my life and see where I can smooth things over in order to maximize the odds of me breathing easier in the near future. 

So. What this means for me is cleaning up house, so to speak. Which mostly centers around me using the three public holidays I have (one on this past Monday and two on Easter) to do a ton of things I've wanted to do that I kept putting aside for other stuff. 

It's not necessarily a nice feeling, because right now, I'm feeling like I'm in dire need of a vacation. So in between, I'm taking plenty of breaks and doing things I enjoy. But overall, the idea is to give myself fewer things to worry about, so I can deal with the big stuff more efficiently later.

I'm also instituting changes to my current life-style. Such as... I'm not going to get fired for not looking at mails after hours. So I'm not. Nor am I going to look at mails before 8 a.m in the morning. Nor at lunch. And if I've done my duties for the day, I'm going to use my available time to write. (Don't worry. I am actually allowed to do that by contract.) 

Which means I'm going to start setting myself some goals for my job in the same way that I set writing goals. I need a way to measure my progress. (Which will also help me not feel like I have nothing to show for my time at the end of my work day.) 

But yeah. That's where I am at the moment. 

How are you doing? Do you also take time to evaluate and adjust? How do you deal with pressure?

January's gone?!

I can't believe that January has gone by so fast. It's almost terrifying to think of the speed at which time is flying by. Because today is the last Friday of the month, which means it's time for...

For those of you who don't know, the rules to this bloghop are as follows:

1) Beth and I will be co-hosts of this list.
2) If you do enter your link into the list, please be supportive of the other entrants.
3) Keep us up to date with how you're doing. Update Day is on the last Friday of every month. Even if you don't think you achieved much or anything, write a quick post to say so. We can't encourage if we don't know.
4) When you enter your blog's address write your goal as the link title. For example, my link's title will be "earn $7500 per month." Not your name or your blog's. This is so we can keep track of who's doing what. AND it will serve as an easy indication of the fact that you're not the only crazy one.
5) Please please please spread the word! I know this is nuts, but I know a lot of people need encouragement, and making a decision and figuring out how to get there is half the battle...

You're welcome to sign up at any time.
As for how I did in January... not good. I've been required to keep an insane work schedule with the two first weeks having 16 hour work days. Which meant that I mostly slept when I didn't work. By the third week, things were going better, but I was so exhausted that I just couldn't put in the hours of writing and editing required to achieve my goals.

To sum up:

Goals for January: 

Writing: 

1) 60k (which can either be 60k written or 60 hours of edits or a combination of the two.)

I managed 8877 words, about half of which was edits. I want to see if I can get past 10k this weekend.

2) Finish the Wo6C3 rewrite. 

Didn't start yet. I wanted to, and had some free time, but it felt like I'd lost my train of thought. So I had to reread the whole thing that I've written so far in order to pick up where I left off.

3) Submit "Turning Points" Short Story by 31 January. 

4) Finish Untethered Realms Anthology rough draft. 

I'm on track for both, mainly because I decided to publish the same short story in both anthologies. (It's funny, but the same story fit both topics, while the two topics will appeal to two different audiences.)

5) Finish BvB1 print-out proofread and formatting. 

I got through the actual proofreading, but haven't implemented any edits yet.

6) Revise ES1.

I'm still waiting for one more CP to send me her feedback before I start.

7) Rough draft BvB2. 

Didn't even think about this yet.

8) Prep DM1 rewrite.

I did do a little bit of thinking about this. Which should make the actual preparations easier for me when I get to them.

9) Research CdW. 

Didn't get to this.

Reading: 

Read six books.

I read three so far, although I might try and see how many I can squeeze into this weekend.

Networking and Marketing: 

1) Set publishing date for BvB1.

Done. BvB1, aka Endless will be out on 30 April. 

2) Arrange blog tours, reviewers etc.

This is in progress. I'm still looking for more help, though, so if you haven't yet and you want to give me a hand, please click here. (Opens to a new window.)

3) Get into a regular posting schedule for main social networks. 

I mostly managed this with blogging, only missing one day because my laptop broke. I didn't get to Twitter, Tumblr and Wattpad the way I had wanted, though.

Life: 

1) Fall into a regular schedule between work, writing etc as fast as possible. 

Epic fail.

2) Commence refined carb cut-back. 

Done. For the most part I'm living off fruit, veg, protein and dairy.

3) Start singing lessons.

Done just in the nick of time. I started lessons yesterday.

4) Start new dance/sporting activity. 

Not done. 

So all things considered, I don't think I did too badly. Although I really wish that I can get more done. The good thing is that this month should give me quite a few nights off with no internet access, so I should be able to get more done. 

Goals for February: 

Writing: 

1) 60k written, 60 hours edited or a combination of the two.

2) Finish Wo6C3 rewrites.

3) Finish Endless edits and formatting. 

4) Revise ES1

5) Resume writing BvB2

6) Start rough revisions to O1

7) Prep DM1 rewrite

8) Work on CdW concept.

9) Rough draft StW.

Reading:

Read 6 books.

Networking & Marketing:

1) Finish arranging blog tour. 

2) Send out e-arcs to reviewers. 

3) Start A to Z Challenge Posts.

4) Start prepping for blog tour.

5) Finish Endless paperback cover.

6) Maintain current blogging activity.

7) Become more active on one more social network. 

Life: 

1) Get into a regular work/life/writing schedule.

2) Maintain diet change

3) Keep singing.

4) Find new exercise/sport activity.

That's it for me. Lots to do, yes. How are your goals coming along? What are your plans for February?

I feel sort of guilty.

I do. I know I'm not supposed to, but I do.

See, I have so much to do. I have three books to edit. I have three to rewrite before the end of December. And I have two to rough draft.

And I haven't done anything related to any of those projects this week.

The problem is that I'm tired. Even when it ended up being nothing, the scare, drama and anger associated with the events of Tuesday night/Wednesday morning have possibly managed to tip over the scale into emotional exhaustion, which I have been trying to fend off since January.

So although I know I should write/edit, I just don't feel like I can. And when this feeling strikes, I know it's time to do something else instead.

Which I guess probably means I'm going to not do anything I set out to do in the beginning of November. But you know what? If that happens, I'm saving time simply by not pushing myself into a full-blown burn-out that lasts months somewhere down the line.

Instead, I'm going to take this afternoon off and draw. Then I'll see how I feel about things in the evening. If the drawing doesn't help, I'm going to keep drawing and add a reading marathon into the mix until the end of the month.

I'm figuring that a total of two weeks out of my writing schedule can't be that bad, given how little breaks I've given myself this year.

What do you do when you need to rest? 

Editing and Warm and Fuzzies

First things first: Let me start with a quick flash of admin. In case you missed it, I'm still looking for critique partners to help me edit my Historical Romance, so if you think you might be interested, please head over and check it out. (I do return the favor if you help me.) 

Secondly: The Vanished Knight is being featured on Andrea Washington's blog. She's a bit new to the community, so I'd love if you said hi. 

Okay? Okay. Now let's get into today's post.

(How's that for a smooth segue, eh?)

After putting out a call for critique partners for that romance, I decided to open it up one more time before it went out for a critique. The last time I had time to do so was in April.

I'm actually glad I waited so long, because I have a rather interesting relationship with ES1. See... this is the first book I ever tried to write when I seriously became a novelist. Then stuff happened and I moved on to greener pastures. The book stuck with me, though. Again because of a character walking into my head while I was reading. (It happens to me a lot. The Vanished Knight started in much the same way.)

I kept coming back to it, though. Even working on it on weekends while working on the beast that would become The Vanished Knight and The Heir's Choice. (Yes, it was once one book.) In other words, ES1 became the second book I ever finished. Then I rewrote it and lost the entire rewrite the day after I finished it.

I know. It was horrible. The loss, I mean. The book was (I think) good. Hard to tell. See that draft is a lot like a dead person to me. You know how dead people suddenly become saintly and perfect after they died? Yeah... like that. There's this part of my mind that keeps clinging to the idea that that draft was simply marvelous. Even when I never even edited it. Seriously, it was the worst time to lose a draft. Right after the high from finishing it.

Needless to say, I didn't have the heart to start again, so I put the story on the back-burner and worked on three more books. It took me a year, and when I came back to the rough draft, I realized that it was a mess.

Which meant one thing. Redraft. I went through the book and basically split it in two. Don't worry, these stories won't end in a cliffhanger. It's just that I had a huge cast of characters. I split it in two, which allows me to tell two previously competing plot arcs as stories in their own right. (I still need to write the second one. It's on my to-do list.)

This time, I loved the story as I wrote it. I loved my rewrite even more. After the pain and slogging that goes with writing the War of Six Crowns series (no seriously. I take four times as long to rewrite any of the books), ES1 was a joy.

So when I read it two months after the rewrite, I still had the warm and fuzzies.

Six months later... Not so much. Okay, okay I'll admit that it still makes me go "AWEEEE!" every now and then. It's just that now that I've been able to look at it without my other writing experiences coloring my vision, I'm noticing things.

Things like: I deviated far from the genre norms in certain places. (Which is fine. I do it all the time. Just wondering how it's going to go over with the readers.) Or... I noticed I glossed over a lot of scenes. Which now makes me wonder if I'm being overly critical (glossing over boring things is a good thing), or if I really didn't put enough attention into some aspects of the story.

I'm mulling this over for now, and will continue to do so while the manuscript is with my critique partners.

Do you also suffer from warm and fuzzies after finishing a draft? How long do you have to wait to make them go away?

Calling all Critique Partners!

It's Friday again and I'm yet again sitting here, shaking my head and wondering where the heck my time went.

It's actually the same with the whole month. Next week is the last week for October, which means that I should have done this a while ago...

Calling all Critique Partners!

I'm currently looking for critique partners for my Historical Romance and am willing to return the favor. 

What I'll Critique for you: Basically, I read almost all genres, but I don't critique MG, Picture Books, Memoirs, Erotica and Horror. Nothing against any of those things personally. I just don't "get" them, which means that I'll be pretty dang useless in reading them. 

You don't need to be ready for a critique to sign up for this, though. If you're still working on something, I do keep a tally of people I owe critiques to, so if you help me now, you can drop me a line whenever you're ready. 

What I'm Good at Critiquing: Plot, Characterization, Dialogue, copyedits. 

What I'm Looking for: Pretty much everything, but just let me know what you're good at so I know when is the best time to send my manuscript my way. 

About the Book: 

It's set in Texas before the Civil War. I'd classify it as a steamy romance. Not too hot, but the love scenes are there. 

A rough idea of the blurb: 

Wanted: A housekeeper and governess for five children. Position requires living on a ranch in Texas. Family welcome. 

Sarah McAllister is out of options. Her husband was killed, leaving her with two children and without any prospects. She's desperate enough to move into the wilds of Texas to save her family. But when she arrives, she encounters: One gunfighter in the making whose best friend is a gambler, one taciturn fourteen year old, twin girls who've been allowed to run wild and one boy who's fixing to be as wild as his older brothers. None of them want her there. Turns out, neither does her employer. 

Yes, Grady Kincaid had asked for a well-bred, well-read lady from back east. Heaven knows his children needs someone capable to get his children ready to meet their grandparents. What he hadn't asked for was a very pretty widow with more guts than sense. It's a nuisance to have her around, especially when his neighbor and enemy is interested in her, but when it's clear that she's in trouble, he can't turn his back on her. So he's stuck with her, which is a problem when he can't ignore his attraction to her...

If you're interested in helping me out, please mail me at mishagericke(AT)gmail(DOT)com and we'll take it from there. 

Have a great weekend everyone!

PS If you could spread the word to people who might be interested? Pretty please with shiny sprinkles on top!

Whoops! It's Wednesday.

So here I am, a bit late. I promised to be back on Monday, but Monday wasn't a good day. It started with people visiting our neighbors keeping us awake past twelve on Saturday and Sunday. But just as things settled down on Monday morning, a huge thunderstorm, the likes I have never seen in the Western Cape, came over us.

Our cats were like: Meh.

Our dogs... Two were in a blind panic. The third was completely confused by the drama, which, in his barking to understand what was up with his buddies... added more drama.

I think I fell asleep at 4am.

I managed to get work done, but when it came to actually writing anything (blog, fiction, whatever)... no go. By lunch time, I was a zombie.

Needless to say, I'm so behind on my goals that I have to hit 3k words every day for the rest of the month to get anywhere approaching the goal I'd set.

I'm feeling good about my rewrite, though. So I might just make it. If I don't have any more horrific late nights to screw up my writing routine. But yeah. So far, I've written almost 1500 words today, so I should be making progress.

In somewhat unrelated news, I'm struggling to decide if I should still publish Endless this year. The plan had been to have it out by end November, but... it's hard to set a date when it isn't clear on when you can actually pay for your cover so that you can use it.

The good news is, I'll be getting a salary real soon. The problem is that the date isn't finalized. Which means I can't finalize a date. Which means that I can't set up anything approaching marketing around the launch...

*Headdesk*

*Glances up.* How are you doing?

Please Pray

Hey all!

I was hoping to write a bit more of an interesting post, but today we've reached the make-or-break point in business negotiations, which means we're right in the balance between having another crap three or four months and actually seeing our problems solved.

Obviously, we're hoping these negotiations swing in the latter direction, so please pray that they go well.

In the meantime, I'm in for the most stressful wait of my life.

Misha

Update Day and Where Else You Can Find Me

Hi everyone! Today’s Update Day for my Big Dreams Bloghop, so today I’ll be letting everyone know how I’ve done in July.

Before I start, though:

Today I’m also visiting Shah Wharton, giving some more reasons why I decided to self publish. Then, Nick Wilford posted an awesome review of The Vanished Knight, so if you're wondering if you should buy it, you might want to check it out. 

Okay with that said, let’s take a look-see at July and what I want to do in August.

My Goals for July: 

Writing: 

1) If my submissions aren't done by the end of the June, I want them done by end of the first week of July. 

Done, and today, both books have gone live.

2) Ditto for review copies being sent out. 

Done.

3) As soon the two above are done, I want to work on something new. Preferably a rough draft. I might join CampNano, but I'll see toward the end of June.

This I didn’t get to, but I’m now in a place where I can get started.

4) Edit my short story for my Untethered Realms Anthology.

Done.

Reading: 

1) Finish the book I'd started. 

Done.

2) Read other books. Not giving myself a goal as to how many, because I know things are going to go nuts once my books are published. 

Read one other book and started another.

Social Media: 

1) Send out all materials and guest posts etc for my blog tour. 

Done.

2) Maintain my web presence as far as humanly possible. 

Done.

Life: 

1) That Europe trip is still in the pipeline, but will possibly happen in July. I want to get all necessary things done before my plane takes off from Cape Town. 

Still didn’t happen, but that’s okay. It would have been too much on my plate, I think.

2) I want to recover from the publishing pressure by doing some other arts/crafts.

I got quite a bit of crocheting done.

3) Continue to grow my business.

Done.

So overall, I think I did great! Although I didn’t get a lot of fiction writing finished, I actually achieved all but one of my other goals.

This month is going to be a lot calmer, though, so I think I can ramp up my goal setting again.

My goals for August:

Writing:

1) Write 15k words.

2) Finish the rewrite to O1.

3) Edit BvB1

4) Edit ES1

5) Edit Untethered Realms Short Story

6) Tie up any remaining loose ends to The Vanished Knight and The Heir’s Choice. (Which includes publishing the paperback versions.)

7) Prep for rewrite to VD

8) Work on concept to P.

Writing-wise, my month should look something like this:

Reading:

1) Read six books.

2) One of which must be Shakespeare.

3) And another must be in French.

4) Read for an average of fifteen minutes per day. (Which mean I can read for an hour on one day and then skip three, if needs be.)

Social media:

1) Continue with my regular blogging schedule.

2) Regular Tumblr and Wattpad posts.

3) Start catching up on Wattpad Critiques

4) More regular presence on Twitter and Google Plus.

Life:

1) Continue to grow my business.

2) Get some crafty stuff done.

3) Start a painting/drawing.

Okay! That’s it for me. How did you do in July? Any goals for August?

Sometimes, I think I'm turning into a terrible blogger.

It's not really my fault, though. Until Monday, I've been running around like a crazy person trying to get the final versions of my books submitted so that I can send them out to my reviewers.

Once that was done, I couldn't sit down and write this, because I have a boatload of guest posts and interviews to do. (At least three a week for five weeks starting Monday.) So yeah. Things are still hectic on my end. 

So much so that I *might* have succeeded in giving myself an ulcer. 

Sigh. 

No worries, though. I've just sent out the blog post for the Friday after next. The books are in. My proof copies for paperbacks are ordered. The review copies are out.  I've made the person who I dedicated the second book to cry on her birthday. 

Life's good. 

Even better, I submitted finals exactly twenty-six days before my release date. You know what that means? Yup. A to Z. 

I'm posting excerpts on my tumblr blog.  Two a day, each corresponding to the letter corresponding. If you'd like to check that out, go here. 

I'm also doing a check-up on my 2015 goals on my other blog.

After that, it's time for me to visit some awesome bloggers again. 

What are you up to?

Peeking Out of the Editing Cave

*Blink blink.*

Holy cow it's bright out here.

*Blink blink blink.*

People, things are going rough on my end. I'm having to prep both my books for publishing and grow my business at the same time. Which is why I've been so very conspicuous in my absence this past week.

I'm pushing to get final submission for both done this weekend, though. This is for two reasons: I still have a Europe trip looming sometime around the end of June and I want to give my reviewers a month's time at least to read the books before the official release date.

Right now, I'm doing the final hard-copy proof-read of The Heir's Choice. Basically to check if there are any edits that I've missed or any formatting for the paperback that's gone wrong. Then I just need to implement the fixes and edits. After that, it's the final formatting and adapting the covers to the paperback template, and I'm done.

Sounds easy enough. Just... not so much while my business is taking off at the same time. Because where I used to have plenty of quiet afternoons, now I don't.

Of course, I'm not complaining. It's good to have a thriving business again. And it's amazing to see my books starting to sell once more.

I'm just feeling the pressure right now.

I don't regret it, though. The sooner these books come out, the better. And the sooner I can get back to writing again. I really miss it. Haven't written any fiction since the beginning of May and it's really bothering me.

I just can't focus on writing with my publishing to-do list lurking in the back of my mind.

A bit of good news is that things are currently going very well on Wattpad. Right now, I have two books on writing and The Vanished Knight ranking in their genres. (One book on writing is in the top 100.)

So yeah. That's me in a nutshell right now. How are you doing? Anyone else prepping to self publish? Or entering the query and/or submission trenches?

Tumblr and Wattpad

I'm a strange person, I know. See, when I got the rights to The Vanished Knight back, I thought of the whole experience as a lesson in a lot of things. 

One of those was in social media marketing. Accurately, I can describe it as a lesson in the complete and utter failure of social media marketing. I'm not kidding. When I first published my book, I had a huge and very active blog, and about 10k worth of people on twitter besides that.

Did they help me sell the book? Weeeeeell... Let's just say I blog, tweet and what have you for more reasons than selling my books. I really enjoy it, but I used links on my social media that counted the clicks after I posted them. 

Maybe I'd get one or two clicks a day. And none of those would convert to sales. 

I think maybe that a lot of my previous sales came from blog tours. Except not because I was reaching new readers. It was bloggers who knew me, are awesome people, and who wanted to support me. (Thanks for that, by the way!) 

Which is to say (and I know there are a lot of me who might scream at me), but I don't think there's much point to me marketing to you guys on my blog, twitter, facebook, google plus (because you're all there too.) Which means that once my blog tour is over, you probably won't see a lot in the way of marketing on my writing platforms. 

See the thing is, I don't even really think you're my target market. Which is fine. I love this community and will try to be part of it for as long as it exists. But my market is elsewhere, so that's where I have to go. 

Which is why I've been working my way into Wattpad with some success (TVK has had almost 900 reads in almost three months) and am trying to work my way into Tumblr. 

And... well. Both give me mixed feelings for different reasons. Wattpad is often a insane place, but there's a market for me there. People like my opinions and advice. They ask for it a lot. I mean, my book on writing (specifically creating tension) has gained almost 9.5k reads in a bit more than a year without me really doing that much. 

Tumblr... Tumblr... Tumblr. Dashboard is nice. The thing is, the social aspect feels a lot like some sort of inter-generational high school clique. I really wanted to like Tumblr. Still do, really, but right now, IT PISSES ME OFF. 

So much so that I'm considering to unfollow everyone except the people following me and start from scratch. I mean, I know that it's hard to get into a new community like the one on Tumblr. I mean, it took me the better part of 18 months to really feel at home and entrenched in this here writing/blogging community. 

The thing is, I'm watching the goings on on Tumblr and I'm wondering if I even want to be part of it. 

To give you the highlights so far: 1) Non-writers talking smack about writers. 2) Same non-writers professing to adore reading. 3) But still talking smack about writers. (I'm not even talking bad reviews. Those would be fine. I'm talking about the fact that people are CALLING JOHN GREEN A PERVERT for daring to be an adult male who writes books about teenage girls.) 4) People who are so narrow minded that they'll completely push someone out for "not belonging to our particular fandom." 5) But PRIDING themselves on being such open-minded, fair individuals. 6) Or people arguing about stuff that they DO NOT WANT TO EVEN TRY TO UNDERSTAND. Like... (you guessed it.) Writing. And (you probably wouldn't guess it) the fact that Africa is in fact a continent with a huge variety of countries and peoples and most of our animals don't like being in zoos. 

Now, you guys know me as a rather opinionated girl, so I'm sure you'll agree that this really is bothering me when I'm spending more than three quarters of my time telling myself to "Not touch this one." Because someone said something utterly foolish that gets eaten up just because they've amassed a huge following in some way. And because I know that engaging 1) won't make me feel better and 2) won't even help them because there's nothing more impossible to reason with than a person who doesn't want to hear it. 3) It's pointless to point out the ignorance in the statement of someone who self-congratulated themself on their open-minded wisdom two posts ago. 

So here I am, wondering if I'm doing this Tumblr thing wrong. Or if I should do what I said and just unfollow 90% of my list. Because hey, I should be enjoying it first and foremost. Correct? 

Anyone on Tumblr? Got advice?

Writing With Rage

Sorry for not posting yesterday. Been having a bit of a rough time with getting everything done. The ironic thing is that I've been mulling over today's subject for days now, and I just didn't get time to write it down.

Before I get into it, though, I just want to give a shout out to writing buddy and Untethered Realms co-conspirator, M Pax. Her new book's out:

In the far future, humanity settles the stars, bioengineering its descendants to survive in a harsh universe. This is the sixth book in the science fiction series, The Backworlds. A space opera adventure.

The Backworlds hang by a Quantum string, a thread about to snap. Annihilation is coming if Craze can’t stop it.

The genocidal alien he had trapped breaks free, destroying a ship belonging to the Backworlds’ oldest enemy, the Fo’wo’s. The murderous alien wants to overtake the galaxy. The Fo’wo’s want another war.

The Backworlds’ best chance to survive is to overcome a century of hate and forge an alliance with the Fo’wo’s. Because of his history with the alien, Craze is recruited to represent his people. Now he’s the most hated man in the galaxy.

The looming war will be a holocaust unless Craze can stop it, knowing salvation comes at a price.

Buy links: Amazon / B&N / iBook / Googleplay / Smashwords / Kobo / Other

About M. Pax:

Fantasy, science fiction, and the weird beckons to her, and she blames Oregon, a source of endless inspiration. She docents at Pine Mountain Observatory in the summers, and one of her cats has a crush on Mr. Spock. You can find out more by visiting her website.

Okay, shameless plug for my friend is done. Now we can get to the main post.

Writing With Rage

When Terry Pratchett passed away, I read this article by Neil Gaiman that explained that Terry was really a very angry person and that that fury underscored and drove every single story he ever wrote. Go ahead and read it if you haven't. I'll wait.

...


...


...

When I first read this, I wondered what that would be like. Channeling one's rage into our stories and having that inform our writing. Then I sort of forgot about it and went on with my life.

Then this weekend came. This weekend, I heard something on the radio that enraged me so much that I didn't know what to do with it. You'd think it's my country's politics, or the stupid things said by a politician, or even the huge amounts of people who are getting killed for seemingly no reason. Uhm... no.

Actually, it was a grandmother that said something completely unfair and unreasonable about her 18 year old granddaughter on the national news. I'm not going to go into it here, and you'll understand why in a second.

The point is that that old hag woman's words literally tore into me so deeply that I actually screamed out in pain on the girl's behalf. And then the rage came, boiling away under the surface. I talked about it to my mother and grandmother. They completely agreed with me. And I know that if I wrote it all out here, you'd agree with me too.

It was ridiculous. And worse still, I don't even know why the national radio station even put it onto the news. It wasn't news. It was the freaking Jerry Springer Show. Except the 18-year-old wasn't even there to defend herself. She's not allowed to, because her identity is being kept secret to protect her privacy.

In that moment, though, her protection had become a gag and her grandmother betrayed her for 15 minutes in the spotlight.

And from my point of view, talking about it just isn't making my fury go away. So instead, I decided to channel it elsewhere. I'm changing it into a story.

Not to cash in on the news (which is HUGE here). In fact, I assume that by the time the story's done, everyone will have moved on. But this will become a story. So right now, my rage is going into forming the ideas.

Making this decision made me think of Terry Pratchett, though. And I realized that really, I do this all the time. My War of Six Crowns series is full of things that infuriate me. I once wrote a short-story after seeing a documentary on TV about a jock murdering a punk just for dressing differently. (You can read it here.)

I'm just usually so subtle about it that I didn't really even realize what I was doing. I mean, I never really aim for a larger message per se. I don't put my authorly intentions before my story. But in writing, I can explore the darkest parts of our lives. I can try to make things right in the story. I can do my best to find the bright spot in the darkest of nights. And I can make readers regret when things can't be fixed.

That is what I do as a writer. Maybe it won't change the world, but hopefully by working my raw emotions into my writing, I'll one day touch the people reading as if I'm there. Maybe one day, I'll get someone to scream at the injustice in my stories and in so doing, open their eyes to what's going on around them.

If I do that, my rage will not have gone wasted.

Have you ever thought about your rage in your writing? Or am I one of a few people to do this?