tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51904121205374487202024-02-19T17:10:28.106+02:00The Five Year ProjectThe Goal: To make a living from writing in five years. Year 3 is in progress.Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.comBlogger1190125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-3695814771307181152019-07-27T18:30:00.000+02:002019-07-27T18:30:02.910+02:00Update Day: Missed It by That MuchSigh. One of these days, I'll be able to actually get everything done in time. It would be so very nice. In case you guys are wondering what I'm on about, yesterday was the last Friday of the month, so that means it's time for another <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2019/07/update-day-july-2019.html" target="_blank">Update Day</a>. And because I'm an absolutely terrible blog hop host, I didn't remember I was supposed to post an update until it was way too late for me to post an update. *Eye roll*<br />
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So how am I doing? Well, I actually did great for most of the month, but the wheels fell off a little bit this past week. I got distracted from my writing work, but you know what? I actually don't regret it. This past week I gave myself permission to do things just because I want to instead of because I have a goal to achieve a certain thing. Which was actually so refreshing.<br />
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Maybe it's a bit bad because it put me behind, but for now, I'm just going to go with it until the end of the month. My brain obviously needs the break.<br />
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At the same time, I've also got a lot of work done on the freelance side, and despite the fact that I'm behind, I <i>still </i>manage to write/edit over 40k words so far. So regardless of how I do for the rest of the month, I'm going to call this a win.<br />
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In short, I'm really proud of myself. I'm really making leaps and bounds when it comes to not only getting things done, but also on knowing when to ease off the acceleration. It's a bit unfortunate that it meant that I didn't quite get everything on time at the end of the month, though. :-/<br />
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But there's one good piece of news for me, though, and it's that I'm definitely starting to pull things back together, and any and all progress I might be making counts as a win.<br />
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<b>How are you guys doing? </b>Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-11722639890081214822019-06-28T12:00:00.000+02:002019-06-28T12:00:08.596+02:00Update Day: Taking StockSince it's the last Friday of the month, it's time for another GotGoals? Bloghop update. If you'd like to know what that means or how to join the bloghop, please click <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2019/06/update-day-june-2019.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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I have to admit that today's post is kicking my butt. I've tried writing it twice, but there are things going on in my life that I just want to share, so it keeps coming out every time I try to write this post and taking over. The other reason is that this is kind of an important milestone.<br />
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On the one hand, it's the middle of the year. It's also the middle of my goal's five-year period after I hit reset on how I approached my goals. So it stands to reason that I should stop and take stock of everything I've achieved.<br />
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But... right now, that isn't working for me. At the heart of it, I'm currently busy with some really large-scale things, so it's been months since I've actually "achieved" anything that isn't related to my freelance work.<br />
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Still, this doesn't mean I'm failing. Until recently, I did feel like a constant failure. There is always something more to do. There is always something I could do better. So lately, I've started to fall into a trap of not seeing the progress I've made because it kept feeling like I'm falling short.<br />
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So I'm getting into the frame of mind of remembering that what I'm busy with right now is just as important as those goals I want to achieve.<br />
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With that in mind, this is what I'm working on right now: </h3>
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Book 3 of <i>The War of Six Crowns</i></h4>
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I had really hoped that I could publish this by now, but yeah. Life. I'm making progress, though. It's just taking longer than expected because of its length. It'll be worth the wait, though. </div>
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Work</h4>
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Yeah. That's really something that is taking over my life right now, but despite more than doubling my freelance rates, I've had two (or more) freelance jobs to do pretty much constantly since January. This is awesome, but it does have a massive impact on my productivity. That's why I'm now doing the next thing...</div>
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Building My Writing Momentum</h4>
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My thinking around this activity was what woke me up to how hard I've been on myself. This whole thing of "Three years ago, I could write/edit 2k a day." Yeah. That's true. But the thing is, I don't count the writing and editing I do as a freelancer. If I really were to put a word value to the writing, editing, and research I do as a freelancer, I do 4.5k per day <i>at minimum</i>. (And sometimes as much as 16k.) Still, it's not really good enough for me to rest on my freelance success. The whole reason why I started freelancing was so I could have the security and time I need to work on my own fiction. </div>
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So when I say I'm building my momentum, I'm really talking about writing 3k per day on my own writing. Or... about 7.5k per day in total. Is that completely insane? Maybe? </div>
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Sorting Out My Communications</h4>
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Recently, I've had to start studying up on branding and communications for my contract work. And man, did I learn a lot about what I'm doing wrong. So now I'm working on fixing all those things. This was what I've been talking about every time I mentioned the big decisions I'm making. In a lot of ways, the changes I need to make are down right terrifying. But I know there's no point to going on in the way I have been because it's just not working. But because there's <i>so </i>much to sort out, it's taking longer than I wanted to take.</div>
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One thing that I am starting to sort out really fast is my YouTube Channel. At the moment, I'm hosting weekly live write-ins on Saturdays at 5 P.M. South African Time (which is 11 A.M. EST). So if you'd like to hang out with me and some writing buddies I made with Camp NaNoWriMo while getting some writing and editing done, head over <a href="https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFRZK0eX_vgzbF7jM91N8DA" target="_blank">here</a> and subscribe and hit the notification bell. That way, you'll know the moment I go live. Speaking of Camp NaNoWriMo...</div>
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<b>Prepping for Camp NaNoWriMo</b></div>
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As part of my momentum-building effort, I've signed up for July's Camp NaNo. I'm aiming to write 60k words next month, but starting at around 1k words a day and working my way up with small daily increments. The idea is that by the end of the month, I'll be above the 2.5k per day level.</div>
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<b>So yeah. Big things are going on here. Pretty exciting, really. What about you? Do you have any major stuff going on as you're going after your goal?</b></div>
Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-54297407886276618762019-06-02T13:58:00.001+02:002019-06-02T13:58:08.427+02:00Update Day: Bringing the Madness Under Control<div style="text-align: center;">
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Friday was the last Friday of the month, which means it was time for <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2019/05/update-day-may-2019.html" target="_blank">Update Day</a>. But I'm only posting now because my schedule hasn't really lightened up yet.<br />
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April was mad because of the massive job I got that had a deadline right around the end of the month. That went so well that the person who hired me in April hired me again in May. The job is a bit smaller, but its deadline was (you guessed it) on Friday. I had planned everything so that I could actually have time to write a post the way I'm supposed to, but the project kicked my butt in a MASSIVE way.<br />
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But here I am now. I've definitely made that decision I mentioned last time. It's actually a terrifying thing that I decided to do, but I know it's the right thing, which makes it exciting too. I'll be making the announcement next month because while I have a firm grip on what I'm doing, getting it done is going to take a lot of preparation... which is hard to do when you barely have time to take a proper breath.<br />
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I'll get there, though.<br />
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In other news, I did a large-scale overhaul of my lifestyle in May. This is part of my no-time problem, but I've decided to get a grip on my physical and mental health. I'm naming the two together because they're linked. I know I've been suffering from a LOT of stress, but I've been eating badly and skipping exercise, which made me sleep badly, which added to the stress.<br />
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So I just reached a point where I realized I <i>had </i>to sort that crap out. So now I'm eating healthier and walking more for exercise. Although it does cut into my schedule a bit (it's hard to be as productive while you're changing your diet), I'm really glad I did it. It's definitely helping me cope better and to think clearly about what it is that I'm doing.<br />
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Now the biggest thing for me for June is to keep to the healthy habits I'm building and to actually act on the decisions I've made this month. Wish me luck!<br />
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<b>How are you doing? </b>Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-11770235446006136812019-04-28T22:13:00.000+02:002019-04-28T22:13:32.800+02:00Update Day: Madness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Friday was the last Friday of the month, which means it was time for another <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2019/04/update-day-april-2019.html" target="_blank">Update Day</a>. But I was so busy that I could do little more than to wave at the day as it passed me by.<br />
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In fact, the only reason why I'm even able to write this post now is because I have to back up the work I finished doing five minutes ago. It's past 10 p.m. on a Saturday night.<br />
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That said, it's not all bad news. The big reason why I've been this busy is that I had a record freelancing month. In fact, I did so well that I smashed my monthly earnings goal. *confetti!*<br />
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I'm really hoping I get more of these kinds of jobs in the future, and no, not just because of the money. (Although knowing I'll be able to stomp out some fires in the coming month is a <i>nice </i>feeling.) The truth is that I really enjoyed the work. The only thing is that next time, I'll make sure to give myself enough hours to get everything done. Because BOY did this take a lot to do.<br />
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Partially because of this, I didn't hit any of my other goals for this month. I have some major changes coming up that I'm going to announce soon, but April ended up being so crazy that I couldn't actually make the final decisions I needed to make.<br />
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So that's going into my to-do list for May.<br />
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Other than that, I did actually manage to get some editing done for Camp NaNoWriMo. The sad thing is that I did less than half of what I'd planned, simply because this freelance job meant that I had to give up my writing hours too.<br />
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Still, I'm seeing this month as a win. Sure, I had to give up some of my writing productivity, but I'm counting this as an investment towards a more stable future.<br />
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<b>How did your month go? Any interesting news to share?</b><br />
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<br />Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-50428298705259783362019-03-29T10:24:00.000+02:002019-03-29T10:40:40.689+02:00A Call for Help for Cyclone Idai VictimsIt's the last Friday of March and so the first quarter of the year bites the dust. But other than that, it also means that it's time for another Got Goals? Bloghop Update Day. For those of you wondering what the bloghop is about: A bunch of us have set some crazy/super important goals, and Update Day is about sharing how we did.<br />
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The nice thing about doing this is the sense of accountability it gives. So if you would like to join in, just follow the instructions <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2019/03/update-day-march-2019.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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But... Although I wanted to talk about some important changes that happened in my life, I just really can't get into the zone of talking myself when there's something massive going on right next door, so to speak. I tried doing it, but I just can't. It doesn't feel right, so I'll talk about all these things into the new month.<br />
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Cyclone Idai</h3>
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Two weeks ago, a cyclone (which is the same a a hurricane) swept over three countries (Malawi, Mozambique, and Zimbabwe) just as it reached its peak intensity, and basically leveled everything in its path. This <i><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/mar/28/cyclone-idai-zimbabwe-mozambique-malawi-destruction" target="_blank">Guardian</a></i> article describes the result as "apocalyptic", and the writer isn't wrong. Hundreds of people have died, and many are missing. Over a hundred thousand people are living in refugee camps because they lost everything. Over 2.5 <i>million </i>people are in need of aid. And the roads are so damaged that a lot of people can't even be reached. And now cholera has broken out in Mozambique.</div>
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So if you can help at all, please do. I'm linking up to three outreach programs I know of for those of you who want to donate. I'm not affiliated with any of these, and maybe there are other places that you know of that you prefer to be involved with. Or if you can't help financially, please spread the word.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://www.msf.org.za/southern-african-emergency-response/cyclone-idai-malawi-flooding-crisis-update" target="_blank">Doctors Without Borders</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://www.incontextinternational.org/project-idai-1/" target="_blank">Project Idai</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><a href="https://donate.unhcr.org/int/cyclone-idai-emergency/~my-donation" target="_blank">The UN Refugee Agency</a></span></div>
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<br />Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-55742655254860969872019-02-23T11:21:00.000+02:002019-02-24T19:01:36.280+02:00Update Day: Setting GoalsBelieve it or not, it's the last Friday of the month, which means it's time for another <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2019/02/update-day-february-2019.html" target="_blank">Update Day</a>. Since this post is about me finally setting my goals, get ready because it's going to be a long one.<br />
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To help you out, the first part is about how I'm doing and what I've been up to in February. Then at the first subheading, I start talking about how and why I set my goals.<br />
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I have to say, I'm feeling rather frustrated writing this. We're two months in and it still feels like I haven't really sorted anything out yet. I haven't been able to write since stopping in January.<br />
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It's just that nothing seems to fit into my days anymore except for work. I mean, I've decided on my goals at the end of January and have been keeping track of what I'm doing, but when I look at my "done" list for this month, it's all work-related with a few things like "unpack laundry" sneaked in.<br />
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Yeah. Right now, I'm still so busy that putting laundry (that I didn't even wash myself) into a cupboard is not a chore, but a daily goal.<br />
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So I'm finding that a tiiiiiiiiiny bit frustrating.<br />
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That said. I haven't <i>only </i>been working. The truth is, I feel like I've burned out last month much worse than I wanted to admit at the time. So much so that when I feel even a little tired (like after I've finished my work day), I just can't make myself write a much as a blog post, never mind working on fiction.<br />
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Instead, I've been working on some crafts. One of my best friends is expecting her second baby, so I'm busy crocheting a blanket. And when I don't feel like crocheting (because it's a bit less than nice to work with wool when it's this hot), I've been working on my needlepoint tapestry. I don't know if you guys even remember the one I'm talking about. I started it like three years ago.<br />
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It's a 138k-stitch monster of a thing. But I just felt like I <i>wanted </i>to work on it, so that's what I've been doing for fun. I'm finding it really soothing too, because it makes me not think about anything. How?<br />
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See those little ants running down one side of the black blocks, those are individual stitches. I'm working from a chart, and that means for every stitch I'm making, I'm counting up or down and then left to right. If I don't do that, I put the stitch in the wrong place, which is seriously going to suck because it's not really something that's easy to fix later. Because fixing a needlepoint tapestry stitch means ripping it and all of the other stitches I made with the same thread out and starting again.<br />
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So it absorbs a lot of attention and basically my usually noisy brain basically goes <i>one two three four one two three stitch </i>for hours on end.<br />
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But I digress. In January, I promised to share more information on my goals once I decided what they are, so here's what I did.<br />
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Starting Big and Drilling Down</h3>
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Starting off, I decided to set multiple 5-year goals. These give me the framework of "Where do I want to be five years from now?" Some of them, I'm hoping to achieve in a shorter time, like my income goal, because I have already actively been working at that for a long time already. These goals are meant to be ambitious and can be as nebulous and "impossible" as I like. Why? Because the idea is to drill down into each one and find the things I can do daily to make them more possible. </div>
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My Five-Year Goals Are: </h4>
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1) Earn $7500 a month from my writing and publishing skills</div>
2) With a third of those earnings coming from publishing my own writing<br />
3) Be healthier<br />
4) The start-up I'm working on will be off the ground and self-sustaining<br />
5) Do more art (that isn't writing)<br />
6) Read more<br />
7) Speak seven languages proficiently (if not fluently).<br />
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One thing worth noting here is that three of my goals is about "work" and three are about "don't work all the time, kid." It's basically about me looking to find a sense of balance. I can set up to ten of these goals, but for now I don't really want to do that because I think all of these goals are pretty big and all/consuming. So these are the ones I believe I can manage chasing at the same time.<br />
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From my five-year goals, I narrow down to my one-year goals. Now here is where I start to make my goals SMART.<br />
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For those of you wondering what SMART goals are, SMART is an acronym, which stands for:<br />
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<b>S</b> - specific, significant, stretching<br />
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<b>M </b>- measurable, meaningful, motivational<br />
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<b>A </b>- agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-oriented<br />
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<b>R </b>- realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-oriented<br />
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<b>T</b> - time-based, time-bound, timely, tangible, trackable<br />
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Mostly my goals are specific, measurable, achievable, reasonable, and time-based.<br />
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In other words, by drilling down from my five-year goals, I take things that are mostly out of my sphere of control and doing the things I <i>can </i>control. Because each step I take brings me one step closer to making those impossible things possible.<br />
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My One-Year Goals</h4>
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1) Write/Edit 250,000 words</div>
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2) Publish Wo6C3</div>
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3) Write Wo6C4</div>
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4) Read 12 books</div>
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5) Get to a healthier weight </div>
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6) Finish one of my art WiPs</div>
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7) Improve my French</div>
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The top three goals are all writing goals, because right now, the own-writing side of my career is more of a priority right now and together they are aimed to add to my first two five-year goals. </div>
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<div>
I set the goal of 12 books because that equates to one book a month, which feels doable, even if it is somewhat of a stretch. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Given the approach I've taken to losing weight, I'm probably not going to hit my goal weight in one year, but I hope to at least be in a lower health-risk class be the end of the year. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My art WiP will probably be the baby blanket I mentioned, because that has a June deadline. But if I do achieve my art goal, I'll probably just set another. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
With regards to improving my French and also my seven-language goal... I already speak four languages. In order of proficiency, those would be English, Afrikaans, French, and Mandarin. However the French and Mandarin are really more faded memories because I don't practice them enough. So the idea is for me to freshen up those two first before I move on to my next languages to learn. I'm still a bit torn on what I want those to be. I can go a really easy way and go for something like Dutch (which is close to Afrikaans), Spanish (close to French), and Italian (close to French and Spanish). Or I can go for more useful to me, which would be Spanish, German, and Arabic. Or I can just go be really random and go for something like Norwegian, Japanese, and Gaelic. I'll see what I feel like when my French and Mandarin are up to scratch again. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Back to my goals. I broke my one-year goals down into quarter goals, which got broken down into monthly goals, which get broken down into weekly and daily goals. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I try to limit the number of my quarterly and monthly goals to around five each, as it's more about focus than anything else. Weekly and daily goals can go up to ten each, and can relate to any of the bigger goals I've set. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So for example, even though my yearly goal is about my weight, I can set a daily goal that's about my mental health because it relates to my five-year goal of being healthier. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But since my quarterly goals are pretty much impossible, given that I couldn't do anything towards them for two of the three months, I'm going to skip to listing my monthly goals. </div>
<h3>
Goals for March</h3>
<div>
1) Finish the freelance editing job I was booked for.</div>
<div>
2) Write/edit 10,000 words.</div>
<div>
3) Crochet 21 afghan squares for the baby blanket</div>
<div>
4) Finish unpacking (yeah six months in and I'm still not done.) </div>
<div>
5) Read one book</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So with the writing/editing goal, I'm not really being specific yet because I just want to get back into writing again. Once I can get into that routine, I can get back to focusing on any one project. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
With regards to reading one book, I'm actually in the middle of two books. One I'm reading for work (but also because it should benefit my writing/publishing goals) and one is in French, so either one I read will actually contribute to more than just my reading goal, which is handy. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Bu yeah. I've finally set myself some goals. Now it's a matter of figuring out how the heck I'm going to achieve them. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>What about you? Do you set SMART goals? How's your year going so far? </b></div>
Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-75072456590734269272019-01-28T19:04:00.001+02:002019-01-28T19:04:54.955+02:00Update Day: Taking ActionUsually, <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2019/01/update-day-january-2019.html" target="_blank">Update Day</a> is on the last Friday of the month, but even though last Friday really sneaked up on me, I actually did remember. It's just that I've been so crazy busy this month that I had my first mini burn-out on Friday and that lasted straight into the weekend.<br />
<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
Yes, I'm fully aware that having the first burn-out of the year within the first month of the year has to be some sort of record. But let me explain.<br />
<br />
I managed to rest for all of three days before the extra jobs (as in the ones not associated with my main contract) came in. And boy did they. I had something like a bumper month where I never had fewer than two jobs to do at any one given time, and all of them were on short deadlines.<br />
<br />
The problem with that was... I need to work a certain number of hours at the contract job to ensure I get the monthly income I need to make rent etc. and my editing work just seriously started cutting into my work hours. Except... if I only did my editing work that came in, I wouldn't make rent. So there was the problem.<br />
<br />
I didn't want to let anyone down, but I also didn't want to not get my contract hours in. So.... I started working between 18 and 20 hours per day (including weekends) to get everything done. I managed that, but then had to increase my daily contract work hours to make up the shortfall because the editing still took up most of two weeks.<br />
<br />
And <i>then </i>I suddenly had three projects that I had to finish writing in a week (plus the research). This I managed. But I literally had to work non-stop on Friday to get everything in.<br />
<br />
So when I was done, and I still had my blog post to write, I just felt like crying.<br />
<br />
At which point I decided to give myself the entire weekend off with no screens (except Netflix) so that I could recover.<br />
<br />
Fortunately for me, I did.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">But the thing is, it made me realize that I <b style="font-style: italic;">had </b>to change something for my own well-being. </span></div>
<br />
I worked until I was exhausted and that also made me feel sick. And if I kept it up, I definitely would have derailed in some way or the other. But that did give me the impetus I needed to make a change I'd been worried about for months now...<br />
<h3>
My freelance rates and turnaround times. </h3>
<div>
See, when I got started, I really stressed how fast I can work and how relatively inexpensive I was. It was my way of getting into the market. It was good, and for quite some time, I never felt the impact. First, because I didn't have anything else to do. Then because I basically entered a quiet editing time while working on my contract. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But this month when everything crashed together, I realized that I could no longer deliver work in seven days unless I was compensated for the fact that I was taking time away from my other contracts. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So I completely restructured the way I charge for my work, which you can check out on <a href="https://www.fiverr.com/mishamfb" target="_blank">Fiverr</a>. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I used to be somewhat worried about making this change. What if my clients didn't come back? What if I didn't get any more orders? </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But the last month has shown me that I'm willing to only work on my contract rather than 1) burn out because I have too much to do or 2) take a knock on my income because I wanted to keep my editing prices low.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>So that's basically what my January was about. How about you? Are you also working on changing things this year? How is it going?</b></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-14620316286697486412019-01-02T16:34:00.000+02:002019-01-02T16:41:43.432+02:00Got Goals? Bloghop: Rethinking Things<div style="text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Click <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2018/12/update-day-december-2018.html" target="_blank">here</a> for more information or to join in.</td></tr>
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</div>
<br />
I somehow managed to skip the entire month of December, which I suspect is something I've never done in all the years I've been blogging. But the truth is, I've been procrastinating on doing this post.<br />
<br />
I've been looking for either that sense of optimism with which I attacked my goals pre-2014... or the grim-but-hidden-under-a-thin-veneer-of-optimistic determination I've resorted to since that damnable year, but as the end of 2018, I found very little other than introspection.<br />
<br />
Yeah. As I'm writing this, I realize I'm either going to have to heavily self-censor before posting, or just accept the fact that sometimes, being honest means being a bit of a downer.<br />
<br />
So maybe let's just start with some good news. That would be that I'm fairly certain that after five years of disaster following disaster... my family and I are doing... okay.<br />
<br />
But the truth of the matter is that getting us here meant that I had to make some serious sacrifices in my writing, social networking, publishing, health... Basically almost every aspect of my life. So 2018 ended on a high note... But it also exacted the heavy cost of everything I'd tried to defer paying on for five years.<br />
<br />
And... After the reckoning... I just realized that... I, the person you had known from this blog, had mostly been obliterated in 2014 and the years that followed. And as things grew harder and harder, the more I withdrew from social media, because I simply couldn't maintain a facade of being happy. And it's not just my social media. It's my social life in general. I have to admit that I largely withdrew from everything, simply because I couldn't stand the thought of lying, but also didn't want to be that person who complained and bemoaned their fate the whole time.<br />
<br />
It didn't matter as much for the better part of five years, because there's barely breathing room to think about anything but surviving the next disaster. But now that the dust is settling, I'm starting to realize that almost nothing I had before is left to me. It's quite an isolating, indescribable feeling. Perhaps the closest thing I can relate it to was going into a war for my life and somehow managing to win... and <i>still </i>come home to discover I lost everything anyway.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Where does one go from there?</h3>
<div>
This is something I've been grappling with since November, but there are no easy answers. But this past five years have been the closest thing I've experienced to living in a story. Right down to the dastardly evil deeds, face-heel turns, and a massive climactic moment. Right now, I'm feeling like I'm at the resolution stage of that story. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And I've learned I'm a being of incredible power and resilience. A force of nature of unlimited potential. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But I find myself yearning back to easier times. Repeatedly trying to do things that hearken back to those times in the hope that if I can get back onto that track, I can go back to the same trajectory I had been on. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The thing is... that's not possible anymore. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It's kind of sad to realize, and yet, it's exciting too. Because at the heart of it, it means that I'm at a new chapter in my life. I get to start from scratch.<br />
<br />
The problem I'm having as of now (and the reason why I left this post until the absolute last) is that I don't know how far I want to take this "from scratch" idea. Because I actually feel like I really have to re-evaluate my priorities and how I'm going about them.<br />
<br />
Which means that some things that I've been doing for the better part of a decade might end up being cut out of my life or otherwise cut right down to the absolute basics.<br />
<br />
So for now, I decided not to set any official goals other than my five-year goal of earning $7,500 per year from my writing skills. For now, I need to figure out what I want, in what order, before I lock myself in for the year.<br />
<br /></div>
<b>How are you doing? Are you setting goals for 2019, or are you also holding off for a bit to figure out what you want? </b>Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-27346292812825346772018-11-30T12:00:00.000+02:002018-11-30T12:00:05.423+02:00Update Day: Long-Term Planning vs Short-Term GratificationIt's the last Friday of the month, which means that it's Update Day. In case you're wondering what it's all about, a few of us writerly types went and set some major goals and we share updates on our progress toward those goals once a month. If you would like more information or to join in, click <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2018/11/update-day-november-2018.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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<br />
So how'd I do?<br />
<br />
Uh.<br />
<br />
Yeah so I honestly have no idea where November went. I don't know if it's because of my life getting another curveball (a good one this time, fortunately), or if I'm just really that exhausted, but it keeps feeling like I'm stuck in a reactionary kind of mindset.<br />
<br />
On the one hand, that's not too bad. At least the things I'm having to react to right now are mostly positive. But the problem is that I can't <i>build </i>anything when I'm spending 90% of my time reacting to unexpected events (and 10% recovering from that).<br />
<br />
This is frustrating to me on a very deep level because I literally derive value out of building things toward my future.<br />
<br />
But.<br />
<br />
That said, that curveball I mentioned was about having to make an unexpected but massively important decision that might end up <i>literally </i>(Yes. I mean <i>LITERALLY.</i>) changing the world. So maybe I should cut myself some slack.<br />
<br />
I guess the issue is that lately, the nature of the things I've been working on building toward have opposite qualities to the writing goals I've been pursuing. With my writing goals, I had this massive goal and no real certainty of how, or even <i>if </i>I'd be able to make it. So in lieu of that, I engaged in short-term goals that would give me a short-term sense of accomplishing something. For example, wanting to write 1,000 words per day meant that I <i>might </i>eventually be able to become successful as a writer. But in the meantime, I still had something written and created to show for my short-term efforts.<br />
<br />
This thing I'm building on the side with my family... I'm 90% sure that it's going to be hugely successful if we can cross a few hurdles in the way. Here's the thing, though. Even if I do achieve something now, the <i>impact </i>is long-term. So in a month like this, where a significant portion of my mind-space was devoted to this project, I keep feeling like I spent my time on nothing. I guess because I'll only really see what I did today much later.<br />
<br />
I'm kinda in the same place with the other thing that I've been focusing on this month. I joined a yoga challenge, where I do yoga for 30 days straight. I do feel better after every session, but I don't really "see" the impact until maybe a week or so later.<br />
<br />
And really, my mind's not <i>liking </i>this lack of immediate gratification. I suspect it might be part of the reason why I've been so exhausted and drained. Last weekend, I took the two days to randomly pick items off my to-do list that have been waiting for months now. The happy coincidence of doing this was that most of the things I did meant I <i>had </i>something once I was done. Like unpacking boxes in my room meant that I have a slightly tidier room and the feeling that at least one thing (one box) was <i>finished</i>. Another thing I worked on was the wireframe for my temporary author website. This is something I've basically been threatening/promising myself to do since April. It's almost done. And every page I created for the site feels like a <i>rush. </i>So much so that I have no idea about whether it's any good, but just seeing something literally take shape under my hands was <i>so </i>good.<br />
<br />
Takeaway lesson for me: Do <i>something </i>with a short-term benefit every now and then. Sometimes we get so stuck on long-term goals that we forget to just do things for the here and now. In December, I'm going to take off for a few days from Christmas into New Year, and I think for that week, I'll basically be indulging my whims around just creating whatever I feel like.<br />
<br />
But for that to happen, I'm going to have to graft in the rest of the month to make up the "lost" hours from that week. So that means I'm going to continue being quiet until around New Year's Eve, as per my tradition of resetting my goals at the end of the year.<br />
<br />
<b>See you then! How are your goals going? Have any plans for December? </b>Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-57550051144795748192018-10-26T17:07:00.000+02:002018-10-26T17:07:29.092+02:00Update Day: It's Spooky How Fast the Year Is Going...It's the last Friday of the month, which means it's time for another Update Day. For those of you who don't know, a bunch of us set big/crazy/important goals, and then share monthly updates on our progress toward that goal. If you would like to join us, please click <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2018/10/update-day-october-2018.html" target="_blank">here</a> for more information.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
So how my goals are progressing... Well. Depends on which goals we're talking about. The move went well, but I haven't finished unpacking. Health goals got derailed by the move, but I'm getting back into it. My exercise goals took a hit this week thanks to a heat wave.<br />
<br />
Overall, my life has quieted down a lot since moving house, but within days of arriving here, one of my cats got gallstones. This ended up making it really hard for me to get anything done, because each of the several times I had to take him to the vet or fetch him back took two hours both ways out of my day.<br />
<br />
That said, I had another record work month. At the rate I'm going, I'm going to hit the goal I mentioned missing last month and then some. This goal is the last milestone I had left before the final one. Which means that the next time I say I hit goal, I will actually have hit the big one at the top of my blog. Yes. That is huge.<br />
<br />
<h3>
So where will I go after that? </h3>
<br />
That will take some explaining. When I set up that goal, I made it a bit less daunting by double counting. So in a month, I count future income, income I earn the same month I generated it, and then income that I generated before once it comes in.<br />
<br />
So let's say I make $5 in royalties in May. I'll count it as future income in May, and then I count it again in July when I actually get that $5 in my bank account.<br />
<br />
Why did I do this? Basically I was approaching this as a goal, and my brain <i>loves </i>the feeling of adding amounts to my tracking sheet. So if I do it twice, my brain is happy. If my brain is happy, I get more done. And I knew from the beginning that half the goal in actual income is a hella comfortable living for me.<br />
<br /><b>Basically, once I hit the goal, I have two options: </b><br />
<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>I can change my approach and aim for $7,500 a month in <i>real </i>income. As in the number I have coming into my bank account each month. </li>
<li>I can change my focus and start working on the <i>percentage </i>of my real income that comes from royalties. </li>
</ol>
<div>
I'm thinking I'm going to do both for continuity sake, but I'm leaning toward prioritizing point 2. The whole point of this exercise had been a full-time writer (achieved) of <i>my own </i>fiction (not achieved.) So focusing on upping the percentage income from book sales should help me focus on what I actually want. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That said, I <i>really </i>enjoy what I do for most of my money, so I don't think I'll want to stop working on that. But my life is sorting itself out, which means there's really no excuse for me to not write my stories. And once I can finally get into the place of regularly publishing, I'm going to be really happy if/when the passive income from my published books start coming in. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<h3>
Speaking of Writing More...</h3>
<div>
I joined NaNoWriMo. No idea if I'll be able to win, but I recon any progress will be good. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Are you guys doing NaNo? Let me know your name so we can buddy up. </b></div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
<div>
<b>How are your goals doing? What are you hoping to squeeze into the last two months of the year?</b></div>
Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-83749792332639495502018-10-17T12:00:00.000+02:002018-10-17T12:00:05.329+02:00Do One Thing. Right now, it's feeling like I'm on the cusp of something new. Sure, I have a lot of fallout to deal with, but for now at least, it's not looking like I have any new curveballs coming my way.<br />
<br />
This is great, of course.<br />
<br />
But at the same time, it's feeling a lot like I'm emerging from a bomb shelter after a nuclear winter has passed.<br />
<br />
I mean... where do I even begin?<br />
<br />
It's daunting to face the task of rebuilding something. Of trying to regroup and get back on even footing. Especially when your somewhat traumatized mind keeps whispering that things are going to go back to hell any second now.<br />
<br />
Did I ever mention I'm not an optimist? Can you tell?<br />
<br />
Seriously, though, I do realize that I <i>have </i>to believe that my five years of famine have come to at least some sort of an end. Which means I should be looking forward again and moving my way in that general direction.<br />
<br />
But man. Moving forward is a <i>lot </i>of work. At the moment, the work is physical, emotional, and psychological. Physically, I have a ton of unpacking to do. Emotionally and psychologically, I'm working toward letting go of five years' worth of crap so I can heal and move on. While dealing with a mind that very much wants to jump into fight-or-flight mode at the smallest opportunity.<br />
<br />
Still, the past few days, I've... started feeling like my old self. By this I mean the person I was about three years ago where I felt battered, but firmly believed that I'll still be able to achieve something. I'm hoping that, if this was an action movie, I would be getting up around now to kick life's ass after it gave me a pummeling.<br />
<br />
Time will tell whether this is indeed what's happening, but in the meantime, I'm sticking to the one thing I've learned by necessity.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Do one thing. </span></div>
<br />
Even if that's the only thing I manage to do in a day, at least I did that. (Instead of... you know... curling up in a corner and crying the whole time.)<br />
<br />
When things were really shit, I did this. It meant I mostly worked and got very little else done. But the result is that I built a new career out of thin air. One that makes me happy and helped things settle down to the extent that now I <i>don't </i>have to be at panic stations the whole time.<br />
<br />
The other interesting thing is that now that things are calming down a bit, I can do one thing much quicker and easier... And then I can do another. And another...<br />
<br />
Which means that, after focusing on only doing one thing, I can look back at a day like today and be shocked at how much I actually ended up getting done. It becomes as simple as keeping track of what I've done, and actually doing something instead of fussing about it.<br />
<br />
<i>Et voila. </i>My semi-inspirational thought for the day.<br />
<br />
<b>How are you doing? What are you busy with at the moment?</b>Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-54035028200940800742018-10-03T12:00:00.000+02:002018-10-03T12:00:03.969+02:00IWSG: A Fresh Start<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd95TC9Ruh5NEzi6aSjrFSF-UqGC0anKgx1sTd3R0F2M9LP7_CQDeI3IoT1kVwUqbsyKZkhAiHgWfmlUTi9Pn4emfIHgzKj-9G_mHkTXlmyy37MrLRM1eyfWvpQHEwCLNpIAELTqp1j4U/s320/Insecure+Writers+Support+Group+Badge.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">More information <a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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After about three months of drama around finding a house, we're finally moving to a new place. In fact, I'm writing this on Monday because I know that I'll be about knee deep into packing, loading, and moving things by the time this post comes live.<br />
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<br /></div>
<div>
Maybe I'm overly optimistic, but it's really feeling like this move will mostly bring to an end five years of chaos that I've had to cope with every day. To that end, I'm really excited to get moving, even if the amount of stuff that needs to be dealt with would have other people pulling out their hair.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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But at the same time, this new start also involves a ton of processing of another sort. Emotional. If this move is to be the first day of the rest of my life, I have to cut some stuff out and leave it right here in this house. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I've been so locked in survival/defense/fight/flight mode that it's become my go to. The thing is... it's <i>exhausting. </i>Except for hopeful, my other single-word emotional status is currently drained. So in a lot of ways, I haven't felt like myself for at least three years... which is also why my fiction-writing productivity took a massive hit. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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I'm not a person hoping for a certain set of perfect circumstances, but when negativity and the accompanying anxiety hits often and at random, making you lose any small amount of momentum you might have gained literally the day before... It's heartbreaking. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So the fact that I managed to get Book 3 of <i>War of Six Crowns</i> to any stage of completion despite this is something for me to be proud of. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But despite this and despite my <a href="https://sylmion.blogspot.com/2018/09/update-day-another.html" target="_blank">growing success</a> as a full-time writer... I'm feeling a growing sense of discontent. In a sense this is a good thing. I'm actually calm enough and able to not be at panic stations for long enough to allow me time to miss certain things I had left by the way-side to just allow me to get through. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
See, I've been cutting back to the bare minimum so that I could keep going while dragging such a huge amount of drama with me. But now I'm very much to offload the drama right here. Which should really leave a lot of space for other things. And right now, that space feels like a void. A void of writing where I took over two years to finish a rewrite and revision because I hadn't been able to write consecutively for more than two days in a row in over two years. A void of art because I never felt secure enough to actually commit to an art project. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
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Here's the thing though, I've been so used to... not... fitting everything in that the thought of moving furniture around in my head is pretty daunting. It feels almost like too much of a challenge to work <i>and </i>write <i>and </i>focus on my health <i>and </i>do more art (other than writing) <i>and </i>read more <i>and </i>resume my French practice so I don't lose it again <i>and </i>be more active on social media <i>and... and... and... </i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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But the thing is that I just have to find a way. My thinking is to spend maybe the rest of the month evaluating my life and everything I want to do, and then decide how I'm going to start bringing those things in. </div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>Do you also find it daunting to make things fit into your life? How do you approach it?</b></div>
Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-33773450725565925592018-09-28T07:48:00.000+02:002018-09-28T07:49:27.641+02:00Update Day: Celebration TimeToday is the last Friday of the month, so it's time for another Update Day for the Got Goals? Bloghop, where a few of us writerly bloggers share updates on our (lack of) progress towards our big and very important goals. If you're curious or want to join in, click <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2018/09/update-day-september.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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<br />
September was a hectic month for me. The first few days was filled with panic and anxiety. The few weeks after that were filled with good times because one of my oldest writing buddies came all the way from Seattle to visit. At the same time, I had a major work function, major work deadlines, and... just general chaos around moving house. And I haven't even physically moved house yet. Long story.<br />
<br />
In short, most of my goals for this month fell by the way-side. <i>But </i>on the positive side, I had another record earning month despite all the chaos and I missed one of my major stepping stone goals by a relatively tiny amount. I was a bit peeved when I realized how close I got. But then I had a bit of a think and realized: Bloody hell. Two years ago, I started with starry eyes and an impossible goal. People told me not to even try this full-time writer thing. But here I am.<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Full. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Time. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Writer.</span></div>
<br />
Was it easy? No.<br />
<br />
Was it fun all the time? <i>Hell </i>no.<br />
<br />
Yet, despite all the challenges and the impossibility of what I was doing, I managed to build a thing. So yeah, a lot of other things took a knock so I could get here. This includes my writing and blogging, etc. But once we're settled in our new house, I'll be in a better place to actually write my own stuff than I've been in five years.<br />
<br />
So all in all... Not bad.<br />
<br />
I'm going to celebrate this month. And uh... move. Wish me luck.<br />
<br />
<b>How did your September go? Anything you're celebrating?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>While we're on the subject of celebrating, an anthology I'm part of is now available for preorder. </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZtF2JIxdy8w/W63AALXRs-I/AAAAAAAAOTk/wC6aHkWH1yMGx8cf2gt8MaCYhgpQNcDYwCK4BGAYYCw/s1600/elements-of-untethered-realms-front.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZtF2JIxdy8w/W63AALXRs-I/AAAAAAAAOTk/wC6aHkWH1yMGx8cf2gt8MaCYhgpQNcDYwCK4BGAYYCw/s320/elements-of-untethered-realms-front.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
Enter our mysterious realms where the stories are as varied and rich as the types of soil on this and other planets. Enchanted forests are knotted with roots and vines. Dreaded paths take us through strange, unexplored places.<br />
<br />
Investigate new worlds and houses frequented by ghosts. Come across witches and wizards and an assassin tasked to kill Death.<br />
<br />
Meet hot robots, hungry winds, and the goddess of chaos. Explore alien lands, purgatorial realms, and a shocking place where people bury the living with their dead.<br />
<br />
Encounter paranormal detectives, imprisoned dragons, dark demons, cursed jewels, and handsome prophets. Search shifting worlds trapped in mirrors and a disturbing future where a president aims to rid the world of Otherkind.<br />
<br />
Experience a haunted journey on a riverboat, water sprites borne of pennies, preternatural creatures, ancient serpents, and the Lady of the Lake who lurks in dark waters.<br />
<br />
<br />
From USA Today bestselling and popular science fiction and fantasy authors comes <i>Elements of Untethered Realms</i>, a supernatural compilation of the anthologies <i>Twisted Earths</i>, <i>Mayhem in the Air</i>, <i>Ghosts of Fire</i>, and <i>Spirits in the Water</i>. These forty thrilling tales feature authors Angela Brown, Jeff Chapman, Cathrina Constantine, Julie Flanders, River Fairchild, Gwen Gardner, Misha/M. Gerrick, Meradeth Houston, Graeme Ing, Simon Kewin, M. Pax, Christine Rains, Cherie Reich, and Catherine Stine.<br />
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07HJH93FJ" target="_blank">Amazon.com</a> | <a href="http://smarturl.it/EoURKindle" target="_blank">Amazon Universal</a> | <a href="https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/elements-of-untethered-realms" target="_blank">Kobo</a> | <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/id1436893643" target="_blank">iTunes.com</a> | <a href="http://smarturl.it/EoURiTunes" target="_blank">iTunes Universal</a> | <a href="https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/elements-of-untethered-realms-cherie-reich/1129598973" target="_blank">Nook</a> | <a href="https://play.google.com/store/books/details/Cherie_Reich_Elements_of_Untethered_Realms?id=_j1vDwAAQBAJ" target="_blank">Google Play</a></div>
Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-84261449351767591912018-09-05T14:59:00.001+02:002018-09-05T15:03:20.191+02:00Insecure Writer's Support Group: Hello Darkness My Old Friend... And Good Riddance for Now.Guys... Just ahead of time, my words are going to be a bit sparing today. The explanation will be forthcoming in a second.<br />
<br />
But yeah.<br />
<br />
I know that this is somewhere that people don't want to go all that often, but I felt this is the best place to put this because today is time for the <a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank">Insecure Writer's Support Group</a>, and this is basically the mother of all of my insecurities, and I feel we have to go there. Even if it probably won't be that well-written.<br />
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<img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd95TC9Ruh5NEzi6aSjrFSF-UqGC0anKgx1sTd3R0F2M9LP7_CQDeI3IoT1kVwUqbsyKZkhAiHgWfmlUTi9Pn4emfIHgzKj-9G_mHkTXlmyy37MrLRM1eyfWvpQHEwCLNpIAELTqp1j4U/s320/Insecure+Writers+Support+Group+Badge.jpg" /></div>
<br />
Even as I'm writing this, I'm feeling a certain level of self-censoring, because man, people do <i>not </i>like to talk about this... thing. This shadow of darkness that, whether we like to admit it or not, follows us all.<br />
<br />
The world puts such a premium on everything being <i>awesome </i>that they don't even like to hear when something isn't. Unless, of course, it feeds their biases.<br />
<br />
Think I'm lying? Next time in a social situation, if someone asks you how you're doing, tell them you're not doing well. I kid you not. Recently, I had a situation like this in <i>church. </i>Which... if you go, you know this is not the way things are supposed to go.<br />
<br />
Other person: "How are things going? Did you get good news yet?"<br />
Me: "Nope."<br />
Other person: "Oh, that's awesome. Do you want earl gray or rooibos tea?"<br />
<br />
But I digress.<br />
<br />
We're not all <i>awesome </i>all of the time, and sometimes, that darkness waiting in all of us wakes up to say hi. For some of us, it's addiction, for others, rage issues or depression, for others (me included), it's anxiety. Everyone has something. But no one really likes to talk about it because good God we can't let others realize we're not infallible!<br />
<br />
The truth is, though, that we are <i>not</i> infallible. We're all vulnerable to the dark corners of our mind. Most of the time, we just don't let that side of us win. The thing is that sometimes, we're just not on favorable grounds to win a battle against the darkness.<br />
<br />
Take me. 90% of the time, I manage my anxiety and I do so without medication for a variety of private reasons. Which isn't to say that I'm saying everyone should manage their issues without pills. (That would be irresponsible.) I'm just blessed in that I can.<br />
<br />
But then my dark side shows up like an unwelcome guest and it feels like my world gets turned upside down. For me, it's like trying to write/work/do anything with a 100-pound toddler throwing a tantrum right next to me all day long. I can (and do) still get stuff done, but I feel dulled down and less effective than I want to be and it drives me <i>mad. </i>And I know that if I pay too much attention to it, I'll be useless.<br />
<br />
At the same time, I have to process all that input and remember to put things into context. Like remembering that it's almost certainly a neurochemical response to my environment. And remembering that it's as much a case of my drive feeding my anxieties as it is my anxieties feeding my drive.<br />
<br />
What do I mean by this? Part of why I'm good at the things I do is because I have anxiety (albeit in lesser concentrations) around achieving something to a certain standard. I <i>hate </i>failing and I <i>hate </i>being out of control. So my anxiety around both makes me take measures to ensure my success at the thing I'm doing as far as possible. So really, anxiety in itself isn't necessarily a bad thing.<br />
<br />
The issue is that I'm not perfect, and some things are not and will not ever be in my control. And its those imperfections and situations that make my dark side throw tantrums. And when that happens, my self-censoring and/or self-criticism is at its most destructive.<br />
<br />
I was there from Sunday until last night. And honestly, it was the worst case that I ever experienced. But as bad as it was, I <i>still </i>feel proud because I feel like I won something. Because I fought back. Did I do so perfectly? No.<br />
<br />
But did I let it make me miss an important deadline? No. Did it make me back out of any of my commitments? No. It was harder for me than usual, much <i>much </i>harder, but I made allowances the same way I make allowances for deviations from my normal expectations when I have house guests. And then I took steps to get back to normal.<br />
<br />
Am I completely normal? Nope. I'm a bit tired. But I'm here, and I know that if I keep doing all the things that <i>are </i>in my control, things will keep improving and my dark side will remain in its own little corner, waiting for me to maybe do something positive with it like write.<br />
<br />
<b>How do you deal with your dark side?</b><br />
<br />Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-46215210113856047732018-08-31T10:30:00.000+02:002018-08-31T10:30:01.400+02:00Update Day: Mad MonthSince today is the last Friday of the month, it's time for another GotGoals Bloghop update. If you're also chasing down goals and want a healthy dose of monthly accountability, please click <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2018/08/update-day-august-2018.html" target="_blank">here</a> to join in.<br />
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<div>
Well. August was a bit nuts. </div>
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Not counting the trip to France (which was awesome, by the way), some crazy stuff is happening, including, but not limited to: </div>
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1) The farm we're living on being sold and us needing to find a new house. This is actually an old development, but I didn't mention it before because... well... how hard could it be? The answer is... <i>very. </i>Long story as to how or why, involving politics which I'm contractually obligated to refrain from discussing in public (yes, really)... but right now, everyone is trying to sell their property and no one's buying. But it also means that no one is renting out. </div>
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2) A business idea I've had that has been languishing on the back burner for almost two years suddenly came back to life after a few things simply fell into place. </div>
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3) My ganglion cyst basically requiring me to learn to type again so I would stop flexing my wrist. </div>
<h3>
<br />Despite this, I didn't do too bad with the goals I set for August: </h3>
<div>
<div>
1) Prepare for my upcoming trip to France.</div>
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<i>Obviously done.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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2) Find enough CPs for Book 3.</div>
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<i>Done for now. Got four CPs, which I think will be enough for this revision round.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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3) Start working on another manuscript while I rest Book 3/wait for CPs.</div>
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<i>Not done for two reasons. 1) I simply didn't have time. 2) I couldn't type for most of early September, which means I was behind on everything when I came back. (See point #1)</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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4) Clear as much as possible from my contract work to-do list before I leave for France on August 9th.</div>
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<i>The ganglion shot this one clear to hell. Along with the fact that prepping to go to France was a lot more involved than anticipated.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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5) Finish two more bookmarks before I leave.</div>
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<i>Didn't do this. Same reasons.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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6) Have a great time in France.</div>
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<i>Done. It was amazing.</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
<h3>
What I want to do in September:</h3>
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<br /></div>
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This is tricky for me. I thought things would be calmer once I returned from France, but instead it feels like my mind is being torn in twenty directions at the same time. </div>
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1) Sort out my schedule so I don't fall behind on my contract work again this month. </div>
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2) Complete the tasks required of me for the above-mentioned business. </div>
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3) Move house. </div>
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4) Critique the manuscript I received from one of my CPs. </div>
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5) Workshop a story idea that I created with a buddy years ago. </div>
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6) Continue to actively change my lifestyle to be healthier. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Yeah. That last one needs some explanation. The one less than awesome thing about my France trip was when I noticed that I no longer look like myself in my photos. I was bloated, mostly ashen despite makeup (Not pale. I'm always pale because I have a very fair skin. No... I'm talking about the fact that I look slightly gray.) And... well. Let's just say it. I'm overweight. Dangerously. Class II obese. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So yeah. Last time I talked about this, I got more than a few well-meaning comments that I'm not fat and I shouldn't call myself that. But. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
At 29, I shouldn't be thinking that at the rate I'm going, I won't be able to move. Also. I have heart disease, diabetes, and cancer risks as well as back and hip problems because of my family history. In short, I've ignored my weight issues for as long as I possibly can.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
I'm approaching the whole thing a bit differently, though, since the other times I tried to lose weight obviously don't work. The main thing that this is going to rely on is self-awareness and accountability. To maintain both, I'm using a dedicated tumblr blog to keep track of my goals and progress. If you want to follow the process, you can check out the <a href="http://shakesomeweight.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">tumblr</a> here. </div>
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<h3>
One More Thing!</h3>
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I almost forgot to mention this, because I keep forgetting. But September 6th is the two year anniversary of my five-year goal reset, and my decision to throw everything into the writing/publishing/freelancing thing. </div>
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So for the purposes of my record-keeping, today is also the end of Year 2 for me. </div>
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<br /></div>
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And you know what? All the crap going on in my life aside, it's going swimmingly. In year 1, I basically made the same amount of money as I now make in a month and a half. So... yeah. It's almost staggering to think how much my business has grown (and how much God has blessed me in this business, because I wouldn't have landed the contract I did without some miraculous intervention.) </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
<b>How did your August go?</b></div>
Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-61734836064562996142018-08-01T23:55:00.000+02:002018-08-01T23:55:48.235+02:00IWSG: Learning to Write AgainIt's the first day of the week, so time for another <a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank">Insecure Writer's Support Group</a> post.<br />
<br />
<b>Purpose: </b>To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!<br />
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<b>Posting: </b>The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. Visit others in the group and connect with your fellow writer - aim for a dozen new people each time - and return comments. This group is all about connecting!<br />
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<img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd95TC9Ruh5NEzi6aSjrFSF-UqGC0anKgx1sTd3R0F2M9LP7_CQDeI3IoT1kVwUqbsyKZkhAiHgWfmlUTi9Pn4emfIHgzKj-9G_mHkTXlmyy37MrLRM1eyfWvpQHEwCLNpIAELTqp1j4U/s320/Insecure+Writers+Support+Group+Badge.jpg" /></div>
<br />
Friday, sometime after my rather victorious Update Day post, I felt a sudden pinch on my left wrist and noticed that the small bump I had, had swollen and was now bigger and aching.<br />
<br />
I went to my doctor and... yeah. As I suspected but didn't want to really admit, I have a ganglion. Which is... annoying to say the least when you literally cannot afford the eight-week recovery time to cut it out. (And have a needle phobia. It's enough to stand still to be injected. But to let someone put a needle into this thing to pull the fluid out--NOPE.)<br />
<br />
That means one thing: Changing my habits to make things easier on my wrist.<br />
<br />
And a big one is in the way I type.<br />
<br />
See... I'm a self-taught typist, which means I've learned all sorts of bad habits over the years that pretty much came back to bite me in the ass seventeen years later. Because while doctors don't know what causes these little buggers, hurting muscles does contribute, and... well... I've been straining my wrists for weeks, spending anything between twelve and fourteen hours <i>per day </i>on writing. The one that had the lump already was just the one that said "ENOUGH!!!" and called it a night.<br />
<br />
And here's the thing, for as long as my wrist is inflamed and the ganglion is being a pain, touch typing, as in that skill I <i>never </i>learned, is probably going to be the safest way for me to write. And I know it will be good for me. But damn it all if learning touch typing while suffering from a ganglion and with work needing to be done doesn't make me feel <i>stupid. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Why? Well. I've been working on a computer for years. <i>Years. </i>I've been writing novels for seventeen, but I've been typing... well since I've learned to write. So we're talking about 22 years' worth of muscle memory I'm retraining on short notice... without being able to really practice for prolonged periods of time and OH BLOODY HELL I'M USING THE OLD WAY AGAIN.<br />
<br />
<i>Ahem. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Yeah. It's really irritating, but I'm hoping the ganglion will go down ASAP. If the touch typing doesn't do it... I guess I'll finally be caving and getting dictation software.<br />
<br />
<b>Anyone else get ganglions? Any tips for me? Anyone else think it's stupid of a country's curriculum to not make typing compulsory when most employment requires typing for long periods of time? </b><br />
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<br />Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-30857834216527612672018-07-27T18:07:00.000+02:002018-07-27T18:08:00.921+02:00Update Day: Still Hectic, but Getting Stuff Done.This is the last Friday of the month, which means it's time for another <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">GotGoals? Bloghop</a> update post.<br />
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Sorry if I'm keeping this a bit short, but like the title says, it's hectic here at the moment.<br />
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<b>At least I can say I got some important stuff done in July: </b><br />
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1) I finished my own revisions to Book 3.<br />
2) I got my visum.<br />
3) I'm at a level with my French where I think I can call myself conversant again. (How's <i>that </i>for a crash course of two months?)<br />
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Also, I won Camp NaNo with more than a week to spare.<br />
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<b>What I want to do in August:</b><br />
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1) Prepare for my upcoming trip to France.<br />
2) Find enough CPs for Book 3.<br />
3) Start working on another manuscript while I rest Book 3/wait for CPs.<br />
4) Clear as much as possible from my contract work to-do list before I leave for France on August 9th.<br />
5) Finish two more bookmarks before I leave.<br />
6) Have a great time in France.<br />
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<b>That's going to be it for me for today! I'm most likely going to be back for IWSG, but if not, I'll see you guys when I come back on the 20th. How did your July go? What are your plans for August?</b>Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-84341265306321972402018-06-29T09:42:00.001+02:002018-06-29T09:42:45.424+02:00Update Day: Gosh I'm BusyLast Friday of the month means it's time for another update day. In case you're wondering what I'm talking about, a group of us have set some crazy/very important goals. Then on the last Friday of the month, we post updates on our progress. You're welcome to join, if you want. All you have to do is click <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/2018/06/update-day-june-2018.html" target="_blank">here</a> for more details.<br />
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As you guys might remember from <a href="https://sylmion.blogspot.com/2018/05/update-day-boy-do-i-have-good-news.html" target="_blank">last month</a>, I got a major contract that's really a massive jump forward for me. This was the first full month I did this, and guys... I just really love it. More than that, though, I'm proving myself to be more and more inexpendable by being able to understand economics, write articles, <i>and </i>read French. That last one seems to be especially handy, since the company I'm writing for is active in Africa, which has large francophone portions. As a result, the source documents I have to use in creating my articles are all French, and it looks like no one in the comms department (which is what I'm contracted to) can read it.<br />
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At any rate, this job has proven to be basically the only one I've ever done that has my brain firing both hemispheres. So yeah, it's awesome. Also awesome is that it totally does count as using my writing skills, which means that as of this month, I'm just under halfway to my five-year monthly earnings goal.<br />
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Overall, though, I can say that my life is the best it's been in... about four years. Although there are some major unresolved issues, it just becomes so much easier to cope when you're making decent money.<br />
<br />
But there's a bit of a storm brewing, namely a massive and growing frustration at the fact that I'm not able to work on my own stuff as much as I want. See, when I was beyond stressed out 90% of the time, a lot of my creativity just... vanished. Now I'm unstressing and it wants to play. Don't get me wrong, it's <i>loving </i>the day-job right now. But let's just say my muse is a bit pissed that I'm not making massive progress on my own books.<br />
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For this, though, I can't blame the job. I'm just super busy all of a sudden. A lot of new opportunities are opening up for my family so, as the only one who's "accounting literate" (as in able to tell the difference between debits and credits), I have to pitch in a lot and help. On top of this, I'm making a seriously concerted effort to brush up on my French.<br />
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One reason for this is the French reports I have to read. The other is that I got sponsored by someone to go to France for ten days in August. (!!!) We're going to a rural area up north, though, and will be living with people who really aren't all that good at English, so I'm doing as much as I can to be conversant in French. I've kept up my vocab for years by reading French, but because I don't have a lot of access to French speakers, I'm seriously rusty on the speaking part. You know... just having the ability to spontaneously convert your thoughts into speech that the other guy understands.<br />
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This meant that I had to put even more of an effort into immersing myself, so more reading French, more French TV series (thanks, Netflix!) and just practicing on Duolingo. Oh and narrating almost everything I do to myself in French so I can get used to verbalizing thoughts. Most of this takes up a chunk of time, though.<br />
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The French trip also meant that I had to renew my passport (because of course it would expire the one time I really don't have time to renew it), and will mean that I have to get my visum. Sigh.<br />
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So all in all, my life is still getting in the way of my writing, but just in a good way. This month, though, I really <i>really </i>want to finish revisions to Book 3. It's been languishing long enough. I'm just going to make that my goal for July.<br />
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<b>What about you guys? How are you doing? Any goals achieved, since we're at the halfway mark?</b>Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-85442481201337509852018-06-06T10:57:00.001+02:002018-06-06T10:57:56.622+02:00Insecure Writer's Support Group: Rolling Back the HoursOn the first Wednesday of every month, a sizable group of us writers take part in the Insecure Writer's Support group. We share our insecurities, because in the end, it helps us to realize that we're not the only ones feeling the way we do. If you want to check out the bloghop or sign up, you can find information <a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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Also, if for whatever reason you prefer Wordpress, you can find this same post <a href="http://insecure-writers-support-group-rolling-back-the-hours/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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As I mentioned on my <a href="https://sylmion.blogspot.com/2018/05/update-day-boy-do-i-have-good-news.html" target="_blank">Update Day post</a>, I actually had an amazing month in May, and although there are still quite a few things up in the air, I think June might end up being a big one too.<br />
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One of the major highlights of May was that I signed a contract with a major company to help create their content. It actually suits me perfectly because I'm using my degree and my writing skills together.<br />
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For now, the contract is basically a test run until December, but given how happy the lady in charge of my work is, I'm starting to feel secure in the fact that an extension past that is probable, even likely. It's really strange to think that I'm this excited about the job, because it was <i>so </i>not what I had in mind when I started freelancing, but my brain is <i>really </i>enjoying the chance to use both hemispheres at the same time, since I have to be both analytical and creative, reading reams of reports and pulling all that information together into articles that people that haven't read those reports can understand.<br />
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Best of all, assuming this is a long-term kind of gig, it actually gives me the level of financial security I need to allow me more writing hours.<br />
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<b>So where's the insecurity?</b><br />
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Well. In the fact that for the past two weeks, I've been sleeping through those writing hours, which means I'm still struggling to fit everything into my schedule.<br />
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See, when I was working fixed price gigs instead of hourly like I do now, my hours drifted. It didn't matter what time of the day I did something as long as it got done before deadline. And I was "filling" my writing hours with freelance work because for the past few months, I was in no shape to be creative. The stress and anxiety from my life exhausted me emotionally, and since freelance was paying my way, I put the emotional reserves I had into that so I can keep racking up the good ratings. (A strategy that paid off in a big way because it directly led to this contract.)<br />
<br />
The overall result was that my sleeping patterns shifted to hours inoptimal to my writing. I went to bed at 2 a.m. and woke up at 8, maybe 9. Then I'd work from about 10 a.m. to as late as 11 p.m., and veg out until 2 a.m.<br />
<br />
Bad <i>bad </i>Misha.<br />
<br />
Because a lot of the stress points in my life have lifted, which leaves me <i>wanting </i>to work on my own stuff. Thing is, if I want uninterrupted writing hours, and I do, I need to wake up at 6 a.m. It's a simple thing, really. In theory, I should get to bed at around midnight and set my alarm.<br />
<br />
<i>Phht. </i>Uh huh.<br />
<br />
I did that.<br />
<br />
Now I have the lovely sounds of my alarm as backdrop to my dreams.<br />
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As I sleep right through it to 8, maybe 9.<br />
<br />
So now I'm going to move my hours some more and get to bed by 10 p.m. but it remains to be seen how that works out.<br />
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<b>How do you guys on Daylight Savings Time manage to shift your sleeping patterns? It shouldn't be that different from what I'm trying to do. </b>Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-45378761617696557922018-05-25T19:44:00.000+02:002018-05-25T19:44:03.404+02:00Update Day: Boy Do I Have Good News!It's hard to imagine, but this is the last Friday of May, which means, for those of you who don't know, it's time for me to share my update for the GotGoals? Bloghop.<br />
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Cohosted by me and <a href="https://lexicalcreations.weebly.com/jens-blog" target="_blank">JEN Garrett</a>, this bloghop has its participants set some crazy or just crazy important goals, and then update on the last Friday of every month. If you want to join in the fun, please <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">click here</a>.<br />
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So how did May go? You'd think from my prolonged silence this month that it went horribly, but actually, something happened this month that was nothing short of a miracle. One day, I will be able to publicly talk about it, but because of the nature of my original problem that this miracle solved, I can't really give too much detail.<br />
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But yeah. On 3 May, someone basically walked in out of the blue and offered to solve one of the biggest problems that was threatening us. Just like that.<br />
<br />
And then, something else amazing happened. So late last month, someone wanted to hire me as one of five people who would write articles for a project she was working on. Since the project deals with female entrepreneurship (a subject dear to my heart), I accepted the offer and started work.<br />
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It's only a short-term job, of the kind I usually do, so I thought nothing more of it, but then when I started submitting my articles, the lady let me know that I was the only one of the five people who wrote the articles the way she wanted. (She wanted <i>stories</i>, which worked for me. ^_^) So awesome. I'm basically going to write all those articles now.<br />
<br />
But then last week or the end of the week about that, she said she'd referred me to the company she works for as a communications consultant, and they wanted to hire me as a contract worker, because they needed someone who could do the work I'd proved to her I could do.<br />
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So I said yes, because yay extra work.<br />
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And then I got the contract.<br />
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Guys... It's flexible and dependent on how much work they send me. But... We're talking about jumping to almost halfway to my monthly earning goal, assuming I fill the allowed hours.<br />
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And having started this week, I have to say I <i>love </i>the work.<br />
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So yeah. I had a super exciting month.<br />
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It's really great to be able to share some good news, I have to say.<br />
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Does that mean I'm going to set myself short term goals for June?<br />
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Not quite. See, because this is a major and new job for me, I want to keep everything as open as possible and settle into a routine. And once I do that, I'll be able to turn up the throttle on my personal goals again.<br />
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<b>How are you guys doing? Anyone else have good news? </b>Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-57155499662223114662018-05-02T20:20:00.000+02:002018-05-02T20:20:20.451+02:00Insecure Writer's Support Group: Probably the Most Damaging Insecurity I've Ever HadGosh, I can't believe it's time for another IWSG post again. For those of you unfamiliar with the concept, the Insecure Writer's Support Group is a bloghop where we share our fears, doubts and insecurities once a month. The idea is for everyone to see they're not alone in what they're feeling, and also for everyone to encourage each other, or to give advice if you've been there and made it through. If you would like more information or to sign up, just click <a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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Also, I have this exact blog post up on <a href="https://sylmion.wordpress.com/insecure-writers-support-group-probably-the-most-damaging-insecurity-ive-ever-had" target="_blank">Wordpress</a> in case you prefer to read there. </div>
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I actually considered skipping today, because man, I've been having some serious troubles writing. </div>
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But here's the thing. I realized earlier that the major insecurity I've been suffering from for the past two or three months is a <b>lie. </b></div>
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So I thought I'd share a bit of what's going on with me. Finally figured out a way in which to put my feelings in a publishable format. </div>
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There's a bit of a challenge, because I can't really explain <i>why </i>I felt this way. I did explain on my <a href="https://www.patreon.com/MishaGerrick" target="_blank">Patreon page</a>, since I wanted my patrons to know where I am in my life, but I couldn't make it a public posting, because I have quite a good reason not to want to put everything up in public unfiltered where a Google Search can pick it up. So. If you want to see a full picture, I'm afraid it's going to cost a dollar. If not, no pressure. I think you'll be able to get by without the full picture. </div>
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Why? Because I'm a writer, damn it. I'll make it work. </div>
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Right. </div>
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So. </div>
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*Deep breath.*</div>
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Basically from the beginning of March, I stopped feeling like I had a future worth living for. </div>
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Man. That sentence was harder than I thought. Already in tears. </div>
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Okay. I can do this. </div>
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From the beginning of March, I stopped feeling like I had a future worth living for. Basically for the past ten years, I've been keeping myself functioning by relentlessly chasing down my dream of becoming a writer, and then later of making a living off my writing skills. </div>
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And that was great, because there was always something to work towards. A book to write/edit. Marketing to do... And so on and so forth. </div>
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But then partly thanks to a very close relative and some supposed "friends," my life started to unravel in 2014. </div>
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And it kept on unraveling. </div>
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And kept on unraveling. </div>
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To the point where in March, I stopped being able to even hope that one day it would be okay. It didn't help that I was already earning my living from writing and it just wasn't <i>enough </i>to stabilize the shit storm that my life has become. </div>
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That was the worst. Because if I wasn't happy now, what was the point of building toward the future anyway? </div>
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It started as a single thought that multiplied and multiplied until it became a belief that simply wouldn't go away. </div>
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But here's the thing. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">It's a lie. Or worse, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. </span></div>
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Because if I believe that my future is dead in the water, I'm going to stop trying to fight for it. And if I stop trying to fight for it, all hope is lost, and my future as I want it really will die. </div>
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And today I had the blessing of being given a chance to step back and evaluate. And to remember that although I have a grand future planned, I also have a closer, smaller, more short-term future. One where I have a new book (or two) published. One where that book acts as a stepping stone to what I consider to be my empire. Also, one where after two years of putting it off, I have an actual proper author website and stuff. </div>
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That smaller future is something I want. Badly. And it doesn't matter whether my life wants to fall to pieces. I have the skills and tools at my disposal to make that smaller future happen. </div>
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But to do that, I have to stop lying to myself. I have to stop thinking that I'm going to be trapped in limbo forever. </div>
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Maybe you're in the same boat as me. In which case, I want to remind you to stop lying to yourself as well. There is a future you want, and there is a way for you to get there. Once you remember that, it becomes easier to to figure out what you need to do and how to do it, regardless of what's going on in the present. </div>
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<b>Thanks for reading!</b></div>
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Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-65389796768576311852018-04-30T16:28:00.003+02:002018-04-30T16:28:52.110+02:00I've been self-censoring a lot lately. And really, I hate it. I always told myself that the day I could no longer be honest with myself and others on my blog would be the day I stopped blogging.<br />
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And really, whether it was a willing decision or not, that's what's been happening.<br />
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I'm sitting with multiple ideas for blog post topics, but the truth I'm having to stare in the face is taking up so much real estate in my mind that the instinct I try to write about something other than the truth, I get blocked.<br />
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But the instant I face the truth, I realize it's hardly publishable online.<br />
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I just deleted half my blog post again.<br />
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And... again.<br />
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Yeah. Stuff it. I'm packing it in for today.Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-30096289553038187572018-04-27T22:01:00.000+02:002018-04-27T22:01:31.600+02:00Update DayIt's the last Friday of the month, which means that's it's time for another Update Day post. For those of you who don't know, a group of us set some crazy or important goals, and then, once a month, we post updates.<br />
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If you would like to join in, you can click this link for more information.<br />
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So how April went for me...<br />
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Sigh.<br />
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I'm just really glad I didn't set any specific goals for this month.<br />
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At the same time, though, I'm annoyed by how everything seems to conspire to prevent me from achieving anything I set out to do.<br />
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Still alive though, so that counts, right?Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-37615021886146266192018-04-02T11:51:00.001+02:002018-04-02T11:51:14.708+02:00Update DayThis post is for Update Day, which is our once-a-month update for the <a href="https://gotgoalsbloghop.blogspot.co.za/2018/03/march-update-day.html" target="_blank">Got Goals Bloghop</a>.<br />
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I'm a few days late in updating, and I have two reasons for it. Firstly, Update Day fell on Good Friday, which I had decided not to post on, and then I got majorly side-tracked on Thursday, which was when I was planning to write and schedule my update post.<br />
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Secondly... I got easily side-tracked because I had been procrastinating on writing this post. And... you know... blogging in general.<br />
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Why? Well... the thing with a monthly update (and blogging as a whole, really) is that it requires a certain amount of introspection.<br />
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Usually, it's the case that I would feel like I achieved little, and would end up being surprised at how much I actually did get done.<br />
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March was another beast. One that I did not, and still don't, want to face.<br />
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Okay. I just faced it and it's just making me feel nihilistic (and like I'm going to jump from somewhere high in the near future), so let's not post that on the blog, even though I doubt anyone will see this thanks to A to Z. (She says after deleting about half the post she's written.)<br />
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Suffice it to say... I didn't achieve anything of not last month. And odds are there's not going to be much in the way of improvement in April. On the contrary.<br />
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So I'm not going to set any goals, because I'm just going to hopefully let myself be pleasantly surprised in a few weeks.<br />
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I'm probably not going to blog much until the next Update Day either. So if I'm quiet this month... don't worry... I'm probably around somewhere... But April happens to be a good blog break time if you're not taking part in A to Z. (I'm not.)<br />
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<br />Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5190412120537448720.post-65685388964345390062018-03-07T14:47:00.000+02:002018-03-07T14:50:21.020+02:00IWSG: Thoughts and Prayers AppreciatedSince it's the first Wednesday of the month, it's time to do another Insecure Writer's Support Group Post. If you'd like to join in or just see more information on what this bloghop is about, please feel free to click <a href="http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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Today's title deals with neither writing nor an insecurity per se, but I thought I'd take a moment to ask those of you who pray to shoot a quick prayer up for me and my family. </div>
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As some of you might know, I live quite close to Cape Town, which is currently facing something of a dystopian-level event in July, namely where the water levels in our dams will be so low that the city will be turning off the water supply to homes, and people will be required to queue for water at a few hundred water points. </div>
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Well... what you guys don't know is that my family business (and me) have basically been quietly but slavishly working on offering the City a possible band-aid to help stave off Day Zero. I can't give you guys precise details just yet, but to tell you guys it's been a Hurculean effort on the part of our small business is a bit of an understatement. </div>
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But people said we wouldn't be able to approach the City... But we did. They said that we wouldn't be able to get the resources together to make the business work, not even on paper. But through God's grace, that's done too. </div>
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Today, we submitted our pitch to the City government at their request, and now we have to wait to hear whether or not they give us the Okay Go. </div>
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At the moment, my fingers are shaking as I type this, as we have literally done every single thing we could do to make this happen. It all depends on a yes or no from the City of Cape Town. But I can definitely say that if we get a yes, this will by far be the biggest thing I've ever been part of in my life. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">So if you pray, please ask God that His will is done, and that if it is His will, that He would continue to supernaturally intervene in this business in order to help us pull it through.</span> </div>
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Okay... Bringing it back to the point of IWSG...</h3>
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Given that this business thing has basically consumed my thoughts lately, I'm a bit low on writing right now to even think about being insecure over it. So... Today I'm going to answer this month's question:</div>
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<b>How do you celebrate when you achieve a writing goal/ finish a story?</b></div>
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Usually, I just dance around a bit and brag about it on social media. Overall, though, I don't see this as a major achievement yet. The big celebration is for when I actually publish something. </div>
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<b>What about you? How do you celebrate finishing a story?</b></div>
Misha Gerrickhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06364173848456424521noreply@blogger.com41