I knew this post wouldn't take long to get onto my blog.
After all, a large portion of my revision time is spent searching out Telling sentences.
So what is a telling sentence?
To my mind, almost every sentence containing some form of the verb is. Worst case scenario: form of verb is and a form of verb be.
E.g. He was so annoyed right then.
He was being occupied by that girl again.
But how to solve it?
I try to do it in a few steps.
1) I look for the point I'm trying to convey. The first sentence is about the guy's annoyance. The second one is about the girl occupying him.
2) Then I determine the feeling that I'm trying to bring across. In the first sentence, it seems to be about the guy's anger/frustration/annoyance. The second one is about the View Point Character's annoyance with the situation (the that gave it away).
3) Finally, I put the two together, using actions, stronger verbs and the VP Characters feeling. Note: There's no rule that says that all this has to be done in one sentence.
So sentence one will change to:
His eyes narrowed as his anger rolled over me in waves. My bravado fled as he took a menacing step forward. I really shouldn't have pushed him this far.
And sentence two:
No... that bastard wouldn't rush for the world. Not with the leggy blond draping herself over his shoulders. I grasped my champagne glass and downed the contents.
Those sentences still aren't that perfect, but at least they give me something to work with in future round of edits.
How do you convert "Tells" to "Shows"?