Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I Survived My Own Stupidity...

So... remember that I blogged yesterday because I had so much time?

Turns out that it didn't occur to my that getting the data into written form (economics again) in 650 words was a bit of a problem. Actually, it was a big bit of a problem.

See I wrote the entire analysis, knowing that it was going over the limit, but thinking that I could pare away at my words. Riiiight... When was the last time this worked for me? Uhm... Never. I ended up spending another six hours re-shaping the data into a more manageable form before deleting every single word of the analysis I had already written before starting again.

I did finish early enough to get six hours worth of sleep. So I'm pretty happy. This essay will very probably not do as well as the previous one, but that's OK. To me, there are more important things in life to worry about than one essay that I don't need.

Things like: A course on Spiritual Warfare. Finding time to broaden my mind. Finding time to write.

I'm not really going to go into the first, due to the fact that some people might not agree with me, but it just felt like I would be lying if I did not give it a mention. I just feel that as a Christian, I should do everything in my power to strengthen my defenses with knowledge.

A lot of things can broaden my mind. Watching movies, reading, reading blogs, talking to people, going to new places... and (the scary and most difficult one for me to do) to just be quiet in my own company.

My mind is a strange thing, tangling with at least three intense problems or musings at a given time. Most of the time, it's more likely to be running five. Add in three novels, two of which are extending into series and around twenty characters all talking at the same time. Then there's also the run of the mill things like: REMEMBER TO BUY EGGS FOR YOUR FLAT MATE! and: YOUR MOTHER MUST BE AT THE AIRPORT AT 07h20. The hundreds of little reminders that float around in my head. Sorry for the all-caps, but I'm doing everything I can to remember those two. You see... with all my stuff milling around in my head, it's the every day stuff that falls through the cracks. 

Point is. My mind comes to a point where it sounds like a full restaurant where I can hear every single person talking. For me to just be quiet by myself, I have to spend quite a few hours shutting out most of the noise. It's fiendishly difficult and - if I succeed - quite scary. It feels incredibly alien to be in silence, but it's beautiful when it happens. Everything feels clear. And I get so much done when I get to this stage, since I can take one thought at a time and concentrate on only that. I keep focusing on these thoughts until I finally feel I've solved something. At which stage the noise usually floods back and hits me again.

Finally, writing. I write even when I don't have a pen and paper with me. Only when I stop thinking about what I want to write, have I stopped writing. At this time, I'm toning down on my physical writing so that I can find my characters' voices again. I'm almost there and I'm starting to become very excited about continuing the story. I might not be able to write as much as I'd like though, since I'm approaching my final exams. But whenever I feel like I can squeeze in a little bit of time, you can guess what I'll be doing...

Do you also struggle with the white noise in your mind? Do you write, even if you're not technically writing?

22 comments:

The Golden Eagle said...

I'm writing all the time. Even when I'm not at the computer, I'm playing out scenes, thinking about phrasing, wondering what the next edit should be. :)

Laura Pauling said...

Yeah, even if I'm not writing, I'm working out plot problems!

N. R. Williams said...

I wish I could tell you that the noise evaporates with the morning sun, but alas, life gets more complicated as we age. Good post and thanks for stopping by my blog and posting your comment.
Nancy
N. R. Williams, fantasy author

AlexOngNYC said...

Prayer and meditation help me take a few moments of quiet when needed.

Alex
Breakfast Every Hour

Christine Fonseca said...

Love your post! And yes, I write in my head when I can't write on paper...

Theresa Milstein said...

I do write in my head when I don't have paper or time to write. I can completely relate to this post. There's never enough time for everything I want to do.

Misha said...

Nancy that is just great to hear. More challenges for the concentration constrained. ;-P

Haha Alex I strive for quiet whenever I pray, but sometimes it just never comes and I just have to try screaming over the noise.

Theresa, lack of time is one of the things that get to me most when I'm trying to write. There's so much I need to get done...

Christine, I do that too, but I'm usually scared that I'll forget what I "wrote".

Golden, I do that too!

Laura, I always try to sort out plot problems in my head, but that's usually the number one cause for me to block. For some reason, my plot problems vanish whenever I don't over think them. But that doesn't mean I don't do it anyway...

Thank you all for dropping by and commenting.

:-)

Samantha VĂ©rant said...

I can't shut my mind off at night. It keeps writing and writing. And I want to sleep. Agggh!

Misha said...

Ugh Samantha I get that too. If I'm lucky, what my mind writes will become a dream and I wake up remembering what happened.

Usually I forget the BEST ideas!

Amie B said...

oh i definately write, all the time! even if it is in my head. because the idea is there....when i can finally get to paper or a computer, then all those words will finally find their place!

Michelle McLean said...

definitely - I'm always ALWAYS writing even when I'm not "writing." What bugs me is when I write a really good scene in my head and then forget half of it by the time I get to my computer LOL

Oh, and I single-handedly keep the post-it industry in business...it's the only way I remember ANYTHING. I've set off the smoke alarm boiling water before because I got distracted thinking of something else LOL

Patti said...

All the time, sometimes I can't shut it off and I know what you mean about writing all the time. Sometimes I'll remember a sentence and go over and over it again in my mind.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I know what you mean. There's always some noise buzzing around in my head. And the mc of my new project has been talking a lot lately (not good when you're editing another novel, btw). She wants me to start her story asap. ;)

Misha said...

That's so true Annie. That's why I am not as worried about blocking as I was before. I know that my beast of an epic is difficault to write down. Blocking is just my ment telling me to slow down and think.

Michelle that happens to me too! I've also had it that I remembered this awesome scene, but forgot where it happens in the book. *cringe.*

I tried post-its, but I forgot to write on them. :-P

Me too Patti. It almost feels as if my mind is looping words, sentences or images from my book through my mind until I get tired of it and figure out where they belong. But I'm not complaining. They serve as awesome inspiration.

Stina, I know what you mean. I also have a demanding MC trying to drag me to her story, but I know I am not ready for it yet. Good luck with the editing!

Thank you all so much for commenting!It's great to know that I'm not alone.

lbdiamond said...

Oh, yes, the running commentary. We've all got it. I get stuck on movie soundtracks frequently...or commercial jingles, gah! I do like music, but when I'm trying to balance the checkbook? Yeah, it would be nice to have some peace and quiet so I can concentrate, LOL!

Great post! :D

Misha said...

Aah I get that too. But usually the only music that loops in my head are songs that I HATE.

Thanks for dropping by.

:-)

paulgreci said...

Great post! I totally write in my head when I'm not writing. And that white noise can be overwhelming. I try to just be conscious of taking a breath, and sometimes that helps quiet my mind even in the busiest of situations.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Oh, gosh yes! The white noise in my heads just won't shut up sometimes. I hate it when that happens! :-)

Lynda Young said...

I'm perpetually writing. The brain won't stop. It's why I have notebooks scattered all over the house so I can remember the ideas that keep popping into my mind.

Misha said...

You're lucky Paul. Sometimes it feels like it takes more than breathing to get my mind to stop running away with me. Today I managed just before a quick nap... which turned into a long and deep sleep because I loved the peace so much.

Shannon, you have my sympathies. What do you do to quiet the noise?

Lynda that's a good idea. I carry my books with me, since I write the entire story on paper. But I never do manage to have a book available for reminding myself about ideas...

Kelly Dexter said...

I know what you mean about white noise. Sometimes it's so difficult to just sit there, be quiet, and . . . be.

Misha said...

Yes! Thanks so much for dropping by.

:-)